\u00a0<\/p>\n
I spent the weekend in California with Rocky<\/a> and Irma<\/a> Kalish, and everyone should spend a weekend with Rocky and Irma. I met Rocky and Irma over 25 years ago and we hit it off immediately. They became my writing mentors, Well, I learned a lot from Rocky and Irma over the years, and maybe even taught them a thing or two. \u201cAlways entertain,\u201d they would say, \u201cif they aren\u2019t listening, you can\u2019t teach them anything.\u201d Or, when I was feeling I had little impact on life, Irma would tell the story of a friend of hers across the country who was dealing with a mastectomy and said she got strength from the <\/span>honest talk of <\/span>Edith dealing with cancer on \u201cAll in the Family,\u201d not realizing Irma had literally put the words in Edith\u2019s mouth. \u201cYou never know who you are going to effect,\u201d she would tell me. But there was one thing Rocky and Irma would say that almost daily rings in my head \u2013 \u201cNEXT!<\/strong>\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Rocky would say \u201cthings are not always pretty in life,\u00a0 and there is no back button.\u201d You have to look forward when in situations and see what is \u201cnext.\u201d \u201cNext\u201d is not just a look to the future, it is a universal focus on how things will get better. Irma would kick in that in their business, where they were writing episodes, \u201cnext\u201d was the most operative term there could be. Always have a \u201cnext\u201d step and you won\u2019t get caught without work. When you focus on \u201cnext\u201d all the mistakes you made fade away. You learn from them and should definitely make them part of next,\u201d but you can\u2019t focus on them except as learning tools for \u201cnext.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cNext\u201d is resilience personified.\u00a0 There is no disappointment in \u201cnext,\u201d only anticipation. Plus, you can obsess about it all you want \u2013 it\u2019s called planning and frankly it makes you happy.\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cNext\u201d is better if it is simple, in fact Rocky and Irma seemed to have adopted some of my Keeping it Simple<\/u><\/strong> material when they add \u201cthose devices made to save you a lot of time, sure seem to complicate your life a lot.\u201d They were scriptwriters and Rocky said to me \u201cthe typewriter was a hell of lot smarter than the computer.\u201d You type the script, copy it and hand it out on a typewriter. On a computer you have 5000 changes made at the last minute and you make the language sound unnatural. Maybe sometimes when you are out of the \u201cnext\u201d mindset you make life unnatural too.<\/span><\/p>\n I used to apply \u201dnext\u201d without really even knowing it. When I would ask a girl out for a date (back when people used to date) occasionally I would get rejected or a girl would have an excuse not to go on a date. (I know that is hard to believe that someone would actually turn me down, but follow along in your disbelief).\u00a0\u00a0 From the time I was a teenager, I had a habit that I would find another date or at least make a plan for that date night within seconds of hanging up the phone. I probably shouldn\u2019t have asked out the first girl in the first place, but I always had a plan B, C, D to Z.\u00a0\u00a0 Oddly enough, those replacement dates were some of the best times I had in my single life. I lived for \u201cnext\u201d and disappointment never caught hold of me. It works.<\/span><\/p>\n So my friends told me a story about writing during the McCarthy era in Hollywood. They had to sign a waiver with each show they wrote that they were not communists. They hated that time and were upset every time they had to sign that waiver. So they wrote a show for F-Troop where one of the Indians had a toothache and wanted to see the Army dentist but couldn\u2019t because he was an Indian. So a couple of the characters dressed him up as a soldier to see the Army dentist and introduced him around as the new soldier. He keeps getting lucky and keeps getting promoted. He only just wants to see the dentist. Finally, he is discovered and is about to go before a firing squad, so he runs back to his tribe.\u00a0 Before he goes he says \u201cbetter a red man than a dead man.\u201d (\u201cBetter dead than red\u201d was a theme of the McCarthy era.)\u00a0\u00a0 Rocky and Irma believed always stand up for yourself, but use your intelligence to do it. The censors never said anything to them, but they knew it was heard. That has become my \u201cbetter to get your way then make your point,\u201d the mantra I use for an emotional patient who has been getting nowhere fighting with his spouse or boss.\u00a0\u00a0 If you do things intelligently, you can get much further toward what you want in life.<\/span><\/p>\n Rocky is 95 years old and in a long-term care facility for people in the business. Irma keeps plugging away and is faithfully by his side every day. They\u2019ve been married 67 years.\u00a0 Both are very sharp mentally, just not for as long each day. Irma is writing her memoirs as one of the first female comedy writers in the business. Rocky\u2019s are already written. Those are important, but not as important as the message they taught me, and through me, every one of my patients whether they are going through PTSD, or a divorce, or simple panic attacks. The secret to life, the secret to getting through the not so pretty things in life, focus on NEXT<\/u><\/strong>!<\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n In tribute to Rocky and Irma Kalish<\/strong><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n My family and I love you both.<\/strong><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n Blog Administrator: Gary S. Aumiller, Ph.D. ABPP<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n Please share this article from down below.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n Please join the email list on the top of the sidebar and you can get these sent to your email.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n Come back regularly for more updated blogs on police psychology<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n<\/body>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Police Psychology | ROCKY AND IRMA \u00a0 I spent the weekend in California with Rocky and Irma Kalish, and everyone should spend a weekend with Rocky and Irma. I met Rocky and Irma over 25 years ago and we hit it off immediately. They became my writing mentors, my heroes, my idols, and we even […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[17168882],"tags":[17168896,17168797,17168831],"class_list":["post-1314","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-resilience","tag-future-orientation","tag-police-psychology","tag-police-stress"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":4022,"url":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/?p=4022","url_meta":{"origin":1314,"position":0},"title":"Police Psychology | Honesty: An Endangered Species","author":"Gary Aumiller","date":"September 7, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Police Psychology | Honesty:\u00a0 An Endangered Species by Gary S. Aumiller, Ph.D.\u00a0 ABPP \u00a0 I was at a party this Labor Day weekend and I talked to a New York Port Authority Police Officer who was originally from Peru.\u00a0 His mom had cancer and I felt real bad for him.\u00a0\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Public Information Bureau"","block_context":{"text":"Public Information Bureau","link":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/?cat=17168888"},"img":{"alt_text":"beetle","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/policepsychologyblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/09\/beetle.png?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":5092,"url":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/?p=5092","url_meta":{"origin":1314,"position":1},"title":"Police Psychology | The Obsessed Mind-Body Connection","author":"Gary Aumiller","date":"January 10, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Police Psychology | The Obsessed Mind-Body Connection by Gary S. 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my heroes, my idols, and we even asked them (and they agreed) to be the adopted grandparents of our Russian-born baby. Rocky and Irma wrote or produced almost every\u00a0 show you remember as a child. \u201cF-Troop,\u201d \u201cFacts of Life,\u201d \u2018Good Times,\u201d \u201cGilligan Island,\u201d \u201cMy Three Sons,\u201d \u201cFamily Affairs,\u201d the list goes on and on. Heck, they even gave Edith Bunker cancer on an \u201cAll in the Family\u201d episode.\u00a0 Try writing about cancer and make people laugh at the same time if you don\u2019t think they are skilled.\u00a0 Hollywood writers and a police psychologist, who\u2019d figure?\u00a0 (If you were at my wedding or at the 2-day class I taught at Alliant University, they were there cheering me on.) To quote one of their characters, they are DY-NO-MITE<\/strong>!<\/span><\/p>\nThe Secret to Life is \u201cNEXT\u201d<\/strong><\/h2>\n
A Lesson from F-Troop<\/strong><\/h2>\n