\n<\/span><\/p>\n
(name redacted for potential of negative future consequences)<\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n The Little Blue Pill<\/strong>. \u00a0An instrument of healing that leads to drowning. \u00a0My first experience with Oxycontin was gleefully numbing and chemically satisfying. \u00a0It served its purpose: diverting pain until the next dose. \u00a0Small yet powerful, the little blue pill led to a life of murdered motivation, crippling dependence and cunning denial. \u00a0 The problems in my life stacked up high. I couldn\u2019t face challenges in my relationships, platonic or romantic, I couldn\u2019t find the motivation to chase my dreams, I couldn\u2019t see the slow decline in my health and most of all I couldn\u2019t see a way out. \u00a0Opiates had taken the wheel. \u00a0I was driving on autopilot deeper into a slow and lonely existence. \u00a0I am the son of a corrections officer and they had a psychological service that saw all law enforcement families.\u00a0 Eventually, I agreed to see a psychologist to get my family off my back.\u00a0 He called himself a police psychologist.<\/span><\/p>\n Over the first few weeks, I explained in detail all of my ailments, psychological and otherwise, mostly blaming my parents and friends for all the bad in my life. \u00a0I decided to leave my relationship with pills out of the discussions because I saw them more as the solution than the problem. \u00a0Fear, denial and pain fueled the desire to hide my habit. \u00a0When we finally reached the subject, I was verbally combative and the suggestion of rehab made me laugh. \u00a0Rehab was for people with a problem! \u00a0Over the following appointments, laughing turned to anger as I demanded answers for my unmanageable life. \u00a0I wanted to know \u201cWhy me?\u201d I didn\u2019t like the answer: \u201cIt\u2019s the drugs, Brian.\u201d In a moment of vulnerability, the psychologist hit me with the truth: I was destroying my life and on the road to being a life-long loser. \u00a0I walked out of his office vowing never to go back.\u00a0 By the time I sat down in my car, I remembered being restrained in a jail cell when I was arrested for spray painting a Handy Pantry with my \u201ctag.\u201d\u00a0 I thought about the alternative high school I was in instead of regular school, and barely graduating with the people I grew up with. \u00a0I thought about giving up in community college and that statistics class where I couldn\u2019t even spell statistics.\u00a0 I wasn\u2019t becoming a loser, I was there already.\u00a0 At that moment, for some reason, I believed him.\u00a0 I turned around and walked back in.<\/span><\/p>\n Marworth, the renowned chemical and alcohol dependency treatment center was swiftly put on the line in his office. \u00a0Although I was filled with fear and anxiety, I consoled myself by focusing on what I\u2019d been told: 28 days in rehab would change my life. \u00a0I took that first step. I reserved a bed for a few days after Christmas. \u00a0Christmas morning of 2010, I woke up vomiting from a pill induced sickness the night before. \u00a0The pained look in my parent\u2019s eyes still haunts me today. \u00a0Their baby boy was killing himself and they placed their hope in a police psychologist\u2019s recommendation.<\/span><\/p>\n I still remember the smell of the lobby and the kind voice leading me inside the medical wing of the rehab when I finally arrived. \u00a0I felt a strange sense of surrender when I settled in. \u00a0I didn\u2019t have to fight anymore and I was in a safe place. \u00a0I was 18 years old at the time and my roommate was a New York cop in his mid-30s. \u00a0He suffered a back injury while chasing and struggling with a robbery suspect a few years back. \u00a0The doctor prescribed Vicodin which, as we both agreed, was the beginning of the end for him too. \u00a0We chatted late night about our jam packed schedules at Marworth.\u00a0 We chatted about life.\u00a0 He made me better and I him.\u00a0 My mind was a sponge the entire time. \u00a0I quickly developed a strong interest in what our counselors and other Marworth professionals were teaching.<\/span><\/p>\n The \u201cdisease\u201d of addiction was something entirely new to me and it made sense. \u00a0My behaviors, patterns of thinking and strong desire for drugs were all explained through daily workshops. \u00a0We participated in group and individual therapy. \u00a0I was hungry to learn more about myself and I put pen to paper in order to capture the progress. \u00a0I felt the strength in my soul and the passion in my heart rise above the darkness that addiction brought me. \u00a0\u00a0A sharp focus on the rewards of recovery kept me going, but I was troubled by one thing: I was going to be a recovering addict for the rest of my life. \u00a0Bill, my counselor at Marworth, helped me face the fact that I couldn\u2019t control my use of a drink or drug at all, ever. I thought: \u201cWhen my life is together and I feel good, I can have a drink or smoke a little weed.\u201d \u00a0The disease of addiction was firmly embedded in my mind. Addiction is defined greatest by one concept: \u201cone is too many and a thousand is never enough.\u201d \u00a0Each time I experienced the artificial pleasures of substance, my brain reacted in a way different than other people. \u00a0I craved more. \u00a0I held onto drugs as a way to control my pain and to mediate my thoughts and emotions. \u00a0I left Marworth with specific instructions and I followed them as prescribed by the experts. \u00a0If I wanted to be successful, I would not take a drink or a drug no matter what. \u00a0I had to connect with others who have the same disease as me and I had to work with an experienced recovering addict or alcoholic to build my strength against the disease.<\/span><\/p>\n I struggled to adapt to a new environment without the little blue pill.\u00a0 Getting off drugs was not the panacea I was being promised in rehab, it was a start.\u00a0 I went to Narcotics Anonymous meetings, and went back to the police psychologist, but I still had to work like a dog to get even the first step.\u00a0 NA kept me grounded and gave me friends with the same problem I had.\u00a0 The police psychologist saw me sometimes three times a week.\u00a0 He taught me how to read a book in two hours, he wrote papers with me, at first 90% his writing but he slowly weaned me off this dependence.\u00a0 When I all but failed a speech in my communications class, he taught me how to speak, and take on the world when \u00a0on stage.\u00a0 He gave me books about success and networking, and other stuff I had just not been aware of.\u00a0 How is it psychology to write a paper about a cathedral, but it worked? \u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0I never got even a \u201cB\u201d in my community college after leaving rehab and graduated top of my class.\u00a0 I received a scholarship to a four-year school from a speech where I literally blew the other students off the stage.\u00a0 And I went to one of the top business schools in the country after, a place I never imagined I would get into.\u00a0 I have since graduated from there, studied in Spain and a semester in China, had an internship with one of the top marketing firms in the world, had an internship with one of the top accounting\/consulting firms in the world, and I start work for this last company in June.<\/span><\/p>\n My life as a drug addict was small, dark and lonely. \u00a0I am now clean, surrounded by people who love me and want to help me in my recovery and I have achieved previously unimaginable success. \u00a0If I wasn\u2019t the son of a law enforcement officer, I might not be alive today. \u00a0The law enforcement community saved my life and helped my family recover from years of trauma caused by my addiction. \u00a0Chalk up one vote for the good work you do and I wanted your followers to know: sometimes, when someone upsets you, you have to turn around and walk back in.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n Blog Administrator: Gary S. Aumiller, Ph.D. ABPP<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n Please share this article from down below.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n Please join the email list on the top of the sidebar and you can get these sent to your email.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n Come back regularly for more updated blogs on police psychology<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<\/body>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Police Psychology | Rising from the Chains of Addiction Guest Blogger \u2014 Law Enforcement Officer\u2019s Child (name redacted for potential of negative future consequences) \u00a0 The Little Blue Pill. \u00a0An instrument of healing that leads to drowning. \u00a0My first experience with Oxycontin was gleefully numbing and chemically satisfying. \u00a0It served its purpose: diverting pain until […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[17168882],"tags":[17168898,17168797,17168831],"class_list":["post-1334","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-resilience","tag-addiction","tag-police-psychology","tag-police-stress"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":1306,"url":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/?p=1306","url_meta":{"origin":1334,"position":0},"title":"Police Psychology | What the Heck is \u201cInsulin Resistance\u201d?","author":"Gary Aumiller","date":"March 7, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Police Psychology | What the Heck is \u201cInsulin Resistance\u201d? by Doug Gentz, Ph.D. - Psychological Services A specific form of Receptor Site Resistance The condition that immediately precedes a diagnosis of Type 2 Diabetes A condition that used to show up mostly in old people and is now appearing in\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Other Tools"","block_context":{"text":"Other Tools","link":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/?cat=17168889"},"img":{"alt_text":"Police psychology, Insulin Resistance?","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/policepsychologyblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/insulin-1-300x223.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":554,"url":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/?p=554","url_meta":{"origin":1334,"position":1},"title":"Police Psychology | Locked Away in Your Cell","author":"Gary Aumiller","date":"August 5, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Police Psychology | Locked Away in Your Cell Police psychology has had a new enemy these days, and it's not typical ol' police stress. The Cell Phone. You ever hold your cell phone up at a concert to demand an encore? That means you are cool! Scan a document into\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Mastering Emotions"","block_context":{"text":"Mastering Emotions","link":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/?cat=17165629"},"img":{"alt_text":"Police Psychology cell phone 1","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/policepsychologyblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/07\/Police-Psychology-cell-phone-1-200x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":5013,"url":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/?p=5013","url_meta":{"origin":1334,"position":2},"title":"Police Psychology | A Real “Blue” Christmas","author":"Gary Aumiller","date":"December 20, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Police Psychology | A Real \"Blue\" Christmas by Gary S. Aumiller, Ph.D. ABPP","rel":"","context":"In "Stories"","block_context":{"text":"Stories","link":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/?cat=1"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":796,"url":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/?p=796","url_meta":{"origin":1334,"position":3},"title":"Police Psychology | Why Do I Do That!","author":"Gary Aumiller","date":"October 22, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Police Psychology | Why Do I Do That! \u00a0 Police psychology is sometimes very complicated, but sometimes it is not. Let\u2019s spend today\u2019s post back to the Psychology 101 classical conditioning roots. The funny thing is, this whole discovery and all its implications was actually the result of an accident.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Motives and Opportunity"","block_context":{"text":"Motives and Opportunity","link":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/?cat=17168884"},"img":{"alt_text":"Police psychology, dog salivating","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/policepsychologyblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/10\/dog-salivating-300x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":487,"url":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/?p=487","url_meta":{"origin":1334,"position":4},"title":"Police Psychology | Manipulation Subliminal Style","author":"Gary Aumiller","date":"July 2, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Police Psychology | Are You Being Manipulated? \u00a0 With the current feeling about racial issues in police psychology, perhaps we should review the research on manipulation and subliminal messages. If you graduated in the 80\u2019s much of this might be new to you. \u00a0 In 2000, there was a well-documented\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Rank and Leadership"","block_context":{"text":"Rank and Leadership","link":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/?cat=17168887"},"img":{"alt_text":"A screenshot of the campaign video with the subliminal message \"rats\" in large letters.","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/policepsychologyblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/07\/rats-300x173.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":995,"url":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/?p=995","url_meta":{"origin":1334,"position":5},"title":"Police Psychology | A Toe for Mickey","author":"Gary Aumiller","date":"January 21, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Police Psychology | A Toe for Mickey \u00a0 Mike went down to the floor a couple of times. Doubled over, holding his stomach, wrenching, trying to catch a breath between the strokes of thesword that was ripping out his insides. Mike had a serious anxiety disorder compounded with a quadruple\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Mastering Resilience"","block_context":{"text":"Mastering Resilience","link":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/?cat=17168882"},"img":{"alt_text":"anxiety, Police Psychology","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/policepsychologyblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/11\/anxiety-275x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p60sbO-lw","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1334","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1334"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1334\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2738,"href":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1334\/revisions\/2738"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1334"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1334"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1334"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}![\"oxycontin,](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/policepsychologyblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/oxy.jpg?resize=267%2C189\")
Consumption induces euphoria, sedation, itchiness and drowsiness so the bottle says, yet the side-effects not listed on the bottle are much farther-reaching. \u00a0These slow assassins can be bought on the street or delightfully delivered by a pharmacist. I spent time, money, energy and shed my dreams in favor of the twisted comfort of Oxycontin. \u00a0Addiction is a physical and mental manifestation of chemical dependence, which may well lead to a vicious cycle of denial and self-destruction.\u00a0 My progression was slow, until it wasn\u2019t. \u00a0Lying to myself and others was the first step down the dark corridor of addiction. \u00a0Then came the cheating, stealing and desperation. \u00a0My story is one of despair and rapid deterioration.<\/span><\/p>\n