$\"pinball\"$ <\/a>

While the game pinball may be fun, emotional pinball can seriously impact your self-esteem.<\/p><\/div>\n

From police psychology to basic chemistry:\u00a0 If we wanted to make a very good cleaner, we would mix two decent cleaners and the combination would make something great. Doesn\u2019t take a genius to understand, does it? So go home and mix ammonia and bleach and see what you get (actually don\u2019t ever do this). You end up getting a chlorine gas that can cause you to lose consciousness, literally burn your insides out, or possibly just kill you. In fact, it was actually used in WWII for chemical warfare. This is called an interaction effect \u2013the combination of two things take the shape of a separate event all to itself. And by the way, chlorine gas doesn\u2019t feel good.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/h2>\n
The Pinball<\/em>\u00a0 Effect<\/span><\/h2>\n
Now take two wonderful people, and mix them together and you will get a wonderful couple, right? Or take a job and a highly qualified person and magic happens. Well, not always. Sometimes you get a chemical warfare agent. A sort of mustard gas. And that doesn\u2019t mean someone is undeserving or stupid. It doesn\u2019t mean that someone is inadequate, it doesn\u2019t mean that someone is bad, or wrong, or\u2026 (insert any negative word that you\u2019ve ever told yourself). It means simply you are not right in that situation. Yet, we will work to blame someone, or point to some inadequacies in the other person, or do something that makes someone else or ourselves feel awful. This is human nature. When someone is particularly attuned to other people\u2019s opinion, I call it \u201cemotional pinball.<\/u><\/strong>\u201d Just bouncing around from bumper to bumper lighting people up. Don\u2019t pinball<\/em> off others. Everyone\u2019s definition of excellence will be different, and to some, your performance may be amazing, and to others it may fall short. But none of that should matter as long as you do your<\/em> best, as long as you put in your<\/em> effort.<\/span><\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\nHow to deal with criticism and praise without the Pinball Effect<\/span><\/h3>\n
$\"mental$ <\/a>
Don\u2019t let other people\u2019s judgement change the way you see yourself.<\/p><\/div>\n
There\u2019s a stress management tip I use in my speeches and in therapy that I want to share with you. Close your eyes and picture in your mind sitting in class. Your teacher goes up to the front of the class and announces, \u201cWow, everyone\u2019s paper was fantastic\u2014oh, except for you (insert your name here). That was the worst paper I\u2019ve ever read.\u201d On a scale of \u201310 to +10, with \u201c0\u201d being neutral, how did your opinion of yourself change after hearing your teacher say that about you? Or after hearing your boss say your work was the worst he\u2019s seen. Now, how about a different scenario: \u201cThese papers were the worst I\u2019ve ever seen\u2014except for (insert your name again\u2014wow, I should have told you to bring a pen). That was the best paper I\u2019ve ever read.\u201d On that same scale, rate your change in opinion of yourself after this statement. What about walking down the street and hearing people catcall at you? (That often gets an age and gender dependent reaction). Or, having a stranger call you a jerk? (New Yorkers need not answer this) The point is your answer should be \u201c0\u201d for all of these. Your opinion of yourself should not change, positively or negatively, just because someone else has judged you or your work. You need to make an evaluation of your own effort, instead of \u201cpinballing\u201d off the evaluations of others. Feel good about your effort, or set yourself to work harder next time. Don\u2019t pinball!<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n
Self esteem was a construct created in the 1890\u2019s which started as a simple evaluation of the goals and achievement. If you achieved goals you had a good self-esteem, if you didn\u2019t you would have a negative self-esteem. William James gave it a name and others kept it alive. It is rotten meat. It is a dated computer. It is an old dusty moth-eaten hat in the attic. Time to throw it away. Escape the dungeon of self-esteem.<\/span><\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/span><\/h4>\n
Social Media: The problem and the solution<\/span><\/p>\n
This is especially significant with the advent of the internet and media. So often do we see people post pictures, videos, or statuses on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, YouTube and they get so many negative comments. Don\u2019t get bummed out by them; don\u2019t let your opinion of yourself change just because someone else judged you and found you wanting. Don\u2019t tear down the picture or the video, or cry in your room, or blame the world for being against you. Ignore the gossip<\/a>\u00a0and\u00a0harsh criticisms of other people. Sometimes you can be the best one out there, but if you\u2019re not right for the part, you won\u2019t be the right person. Accept that you can\u2019t be everyone\u2019s hero<\/a>. And that can\u2019t change how you feel about yourself, can\u2019t change the voices in your head<\/a> to negativistic, because as long as you know you\u2019ve given it your all, that is all the judgment you need.<\/span><\/p>\n
So let\u2019s vanquish the concept of self-esteem and say simply, I did the best I can or I have to work harder next time or focus more next time. Let\u2019s not worry about ourselves all the time. And mostly, let\u2019s stop pinballing off of others\u2019 opinions, and see our efforts as the most important goal of all.<\/span><\/p>\n
Gary S. Aumiller, Ph.D. ABPP<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n
Follow me on this blog click at left of page at the top of the sidebar<\/span><\/p>\n
Please share this with other people on your social network from down below.<\/span><\/p>\n
For books by Dr. Gary S. Aumiller got to http:\/\/www.myherodad.com<\/a> or http:\/\/www.myheromom.com<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n
Join me on Facebook or Linkedin (see sidebar).<\/span>
\n<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n
<\/p>\n<\/body>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Toxic Games From police psychology to basic chemistry:\u00a0 If we wanted to make a very good cleaner, we would mix two decent cleaners and the combination would make something great. Doesn\u2019t take a genius to understand, does it? So go home and mix ammonia and bleach and see what you get (actually don\u2019t ever do […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[17165629],"tags":[17168800,17168797,17168822,17168817,17168816],"class_list":["post-296","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-emotions","tag-mental-health","tag-police-psychology","tag-self-esteem","tag-stress-management","tag-stress-tip"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":4552,"url":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/?p=4552","url_meta":{"origin":296,"position":0},"title":"Police Psychology | Emotional Pinball","author":"Gary Aumiller","date":"October 26, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Police Psychology | Emotional Pinball by Gary S. Aumiller, Ph.D.\u00a0 ABPP \u00a0","rel":"","context":"In "Mastering Emotions"","block_context":{"text":"Mastering Emotions","link":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/?cat=17165629"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":4694,"url":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/?p=4694","url_meta":{"origin":296,"position":1},"title":"Police Psychology | Brain Eaters","author":"Gary Aumiller","date":"November 15, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Police Psychology | Brain Eaters By Gary S. Aumiller, Ph.D.\u00a0 ABPP In Telugu language, the second most popular language in India, they have a phrase that is highly important in police psychology \u2013 burra tinoddu. Not to be confused with the \u201cLion King\u2019s\u201d Hakuna Matata which tells you not to\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Mastering Emotions"","block_context":{"text":"Mastering Emotions","link":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/?cat=17165629"},"img":{"alt_text":"police psychology, zombie, police stress","src":"http:\/\/i0.wp.com\/policepsychologyblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/01\/zombie-girl.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":3915,"url":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/?p=3915","url_meta":{"origin":296,"position":2},"title":"Police Psychology | Myth of Emotional Opposites: Video Post","author":"Gary Aumiller","date":"August 23, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Police Psychology | The Myth of Emotional Opposites:\u00a0 Video Post by Gary S. Aumiller, Ph.D.\u00a0 ABPP A myth that holds people back from having a good time in life if in a crisis. \u00a0","rel":"","context":"In "Mastering Emotions"","block_context":{"text":"Mastering Emotions","link":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/?cat=17165629"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":4987,"url":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/?p=4987","url_meta":{"origin":296,"position":3},"title":"Police Psychology | Symptom Stress","author":"Gary Aumiller","date":"December 15, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Police Psychology | Symptom Stress by Gary S. Aumiller, Ph.D.\u00a0 ABPP Police Psychology has a strong cognitive element. Thoughts are very powerful. They have the ability to shape your reality and create a world that is completely different than anyone else\u2019s. They can provide you with questions and solutions that\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Mastering Thoughts"","block_context":{"text":"Mastering Thoughts","link":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/?cat=17168878"},"img":{"alt_text":"anxiety, Police Psychology","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/policepsychologyblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/11\/anxiety-275x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":995,"url":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/?p=995","url_meta":{"origin":296,"position":4},"title":"Police Psychology | A Toe for Mickey","author":"Gary Aumiller","date":"January 21, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Police Psychology | A Toe for Mickey \u00a0 Mike went down to the floor a couple of times. Doubled over, holding his stomach, wrenching, trying to catch a breath between the strokes of thesword that was ripping out his insides. Mike had a serious anxiety disorder compounded with a quadruple\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Mastering Resilience"","block_context":{"text":"Mastering Resilience","link":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/?cat=17168882"},"img":{"alt_text":"anxiety, Police Psychology","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/policepsychologyblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/11\/anxiety-275x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":549,"url":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/?p=549","url_meta":{"origin":296,"position":5},"title":"Police Psychology | You Change Your Underwear, Don\u2019t You","author":"Gary Aumiller","date":"August 12, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Police Psychology | You Change Your Underwear, Don\u2019t You \u00a0 Police psychology is about change (and police stress\u00a0is often about dealing with change). It could be changing an officer\u2019s life, changing the behavior of a perpetrator, or choosing the officer who will go into an academy and have to deal\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Mastering Change"","block_context":{"text":"Mastering Change","link":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/?cat=17168881"},"img":{"alt_text":"Police Psychology Change 2","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/policepsychologyblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/07\/Police-Psychology-Change-2-300x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p60sbO-4M","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/296","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=296"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/296\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":647,"href":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/296\/revisions\/647"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=296"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=296"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=296"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}