![\"Police](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/policepsychologyblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/08\/woman-no.jpg\")
<\/a>In police psychology, I have noticed that it is very difficult for people to say \u201cno.\u201d<\/p><\/div>\n
In police psychology<\/em>, I find a lot of officers who just can\u2019t do it. There are very few things that toddlers know how to do better than adults. For instance, although sometimes when I\u2019m driving I encounter cars that may as well have had the two-year-old behind the wheel, adults are fairly more competent than their young children when it comes to driving. I\u2019d also rather have an adult monitor my bank account and finances than a child, and rather an adult ran the country than my nine-year-old daughter. You get the point. However, there is one thing that most children do better than their parents: saying \u201cNO<\/strong>.\u201d All you have to do is walk around the park and you\u2019ll encounter countless voices erupting in that favorite word all parents long to hear: \u201cNO<\/strong>.\u201d When you tell your child its bath time, or they need to eat all their vegetables, or they need to get off the IPAD during mealtimes. How about when they can\u2019t wear that outfit in public, or they need to be back by curfew, most children respond the same: \u201cNO<\/strong>.\u201d Damn I wish I could learn that more myself.<\/span><\/p>\n It\u2019s funny how we seem to be expert \u201cNO<\/strong>\u201d sayers when we are young, but then we hit a point in our lives when saying that infamous word becomes ten times more difficult. In police psychology<\/strong>, I have many officers who are stressed out, overworked, working double shifts and still can\u2019t manage to refuse to help. It\u2019s funny how such a small word is so hard to master. It\u2019s funny how saying \u201cNO\u201d can be associated with such a negative stigma of being uncooperative and intentionally difficult. It\u2019s funny how Rodgers and Hammerstein so perfectly summed up our sentiments in Oklahoma: \u201cI\u2019m just a girl who can\u2019t say NO<\/strong>.\u201d And although many guys would like to meet such a girl, it\u2019s really not funny. It\u2019s not funny at all. When did we lose the ability to respectfully decline things we simply don\u2019t have the time for? When did we start putting the need to please other people before our own sanity? Why must we overextend ourselves to the point where we are committed to way too many tasks at once\u2014stretched thin, balancing a precarious juggling act? Why is that people in the helping professions and the policing professions, lose track of the word worst than anyone.<\/span><\/p>\n I have noticed in police psychology that avoiding the word \u201cno\u201d can contribute to a lot of police stress.<\/p><\/div>\n Want to hear a police psychology<\/u> situation? I had a police officer in therapy with me who was hit in his car by a drunk driver. He was having severe cognitive problem and PTSD, and will probably be disabled the rest of his life. His wife\u2019s cousin calls and is with another police officer just having been lifted for minor-level drunk driving. He hasn\u2019t talked to the wife\u2019s cousin in years, in fact never liked him. He was being asked to vouch for him. He asked the cop to cut his wife\u2019s cousin a break, despite it being the same situation that is causing him so much trouble. His wife wasn\u2019t happy; he wasn\u2019t happy. They found a new way to add to police stress<\/u><\/em><\/strong>. I was now dealing with a guy that had enough going on, but we added one more thing. And because of the PTSD, the officer can\u2019t get it out of his head how he cut a guy he can\u2019t stand a break, so he obsesses<\/a>. More problems for me. (Notice, it always comes back to me. Hey, I should write about that.)<\/span><\/p>\n The truth is, many of us just feel guilty saying this two-letter word, especially to our friends, family, or people we care about or even should care about. So, instead, we agree and agree and agree until we are left feeling angry and resentful<\/a> towards the people who put us in the situation. This becomes a problem because the people who ask you for favors oftentimes have no idea they are putting you in a difficult position. \u00a0They don\u2019t think it is a big thing. (This is not to say that there aren\u2019t people out there who will try to deliberately take advantage of you.) We need to relearn a lesson that we never should have forgotten. We need to teach ourselves to be okay with saying \u201cNO<\/strong>\u201d to people. We need to learn how to prioritize ourselves again\u2014we need to learn how to be a little selfish. And police psychology<\/u> has a bigger problem than most because we are the caretakers in the world.<\/span><\/p>\n But that still begs the question: why? Why do we have such a hard time saying NO<\/strong>? I think one of the reasons is because people tend to be sociable and generous. It is an adaptive trait: the more communicable you are, the more people will want to interact with you. It is safe. It is easy. It also feels good when you do something for someone else. It can make them appreciative or complimentary of your talents and skills, and it can put them in your debt (in a sense). Saying \u201cNO<\/strong>\u201d seems too hostile and aggressive<\/a> to many people\u2014\u201cHow can I say no to Jim? He\u2019s only asking me to give up one<\/em> weekend for him.\u201d We tend to overestimate the effect of this word. We tend to associate \u201cNO<\/strong>\u201d with antagonism and unfriendliness, and these aren\u2019t favorable traits in society. Because of this, it almost becomes easier (at least mentally) to say \u201cyes\u201d because that is the safer response. However, that is a totally psychological misconception. If you say \u201cno\u201d to someone, chances are they will understand (and if they don\u2019t, they\u2019re definitely not worth your time). And they may tend to think through something before they ask again. We need to stop overestimating the power of this word and start accepting it for what it is\u2013an admittance that we need to take care of ourselves.<\/span><\/p>\n There are many types of manipulations used to try to get you to agree to do things you don\u2019t want to do. Sometimes they just come natural to people, sometimes they are intended for manipulation. Let me give you a couple that are easy to remember. One is called \u201cfoot in the door\u201d technique. This is when they start out by getting you to agree to something small, and once you agree to that, they ask you for a larger request. For instance, if someone asks you to sign a petition and you agree to that, they may follow that up by asking you to donate some money. This works because you are already thinking in your mind, \u201cWow, I\u2019m such a great person,\u201d or \u201cWell, I must believe in this cause\u2026\u201d and so you are more inclined to comply with the larger request after this. Another technique is called \u201cdoor in the face.\u201d This is when someone asks you to do something big and you say no, so then they ask for a much smaller, reasonable request. In this case, many people are more inclined to say yes to the smaller request (which is often what they wanted you to agree to in the first place) because of something called the reciprocity norm: you did something nice for me (by reducing the request), so I\u2019ll do something nice for you (by fulfilling the request). Be wary of these tricks. Learn a thing or two from your children.<\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n Gary S. Aumiller, Ph.D.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n Please share this article from down below.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n Please join the email list on the top of the sidebar and you can get these sent to you email box.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n Come back regularly for more updated blogs on police psychology<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n<\/body>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Police Psychology | What You Can Learn from a 2-Year Old \u00a0 In police psychology, I find a lot of officers who just can\u2019t do it. There are very few things that toddlers know how to do better than adults. For instance, although sometimes when I\u2019m driving I encounter cars that may as well have […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[17168880],"tags":[17168833,17168797,17168831],"class_list":["post-630","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-effort","tag-manipulation","tag-police-psychology","tag-police-stress"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":386,"url":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/?p=386","url_meta":{"origin":630,"position":0},"title":"Police Psychology | The Police Candidate Interpretive Report","author":"Gary Aumiller","date":"June 5, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"The Police Candidate Interpretive Report \u00a0 I had one of the first cell phones for public consumption.\u00a0 It fit in a bag.\u00a0 The battery lasted minutes not hours, and it was essentially a car phone that could be moved around.\u00a0 But visions of Dick Tracy\u2019s watch and Agent 86\u2019s shoe\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Tests"","block_context":{"text":"Tests","link":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/?cat=17168877"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":6229,"url":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/?p=6229","url_meta":{"origin":630,"position":1},"title":"Police Psychology Interview: Intelligence and Counterintelligence","author":"Gary Aumiller","date":"July 12, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Police Psychology Interview: \u00a0Intelligence and Counterintelligence with James Turner, Ph.D. \u00a0 Some of the earliest use of psychology in operational policing\u00a0was by the military. \u00a0I remember reading stories of how B. F. Skinner invented a pigeon-controlled missile which were much more accurate than the guidance systems available at the time.\u00a0\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Public Information Bureau"","block_context":{"text":"Public Information Bureau","link":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/?cat=17168888"},"img":{"alt_text":"Police psychology: counterintelligence","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/policepsychologyblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/03\/turner.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":7132,"url":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/?p=7132","url_meta":{"origin":630,"position":2},"title":"Police Psychology Book Review: Towards the integration of police psychology techniques to combat juvenile delinquency in K-12 classrooms","author":"Gary Aumiller","date":"December 19, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Police Psychology Book Review:\u00a0 Rose, Gary. (2013) Towards the integration of police psychology techniques to combat juvenile delinquency in K-12 classrooms by Paul Cech \u00a0 Gary Rose revised his doctoral dissertation to create a book that will be of special interest to readers who are peace officers; teachers; police, school,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Books"","block_context":{"text":"Books","link":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/?cat=17168876"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1306,"url":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/?p=1306","url_meta":{"origin":630,"position":3},"title":"Police Psychology | What the Heck is \u201cInsulin Resistance\u201d?","author":"Gary Aumiller","date":"March 7, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Police Psychology | What the Heck is \u201cInsulin Resistance\u201d? by Doug Gentz, Ph.D. - Psychological Services A specific form of Receptor Site Resistance The condition that immediately precedes a diagnosis of Type 2 Diabetes A condition that used to show up mostly in old people and is now appearing in\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Other Tools"","block_context":{"text":"Other Tools","link":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/?cat=17168889"},"img":{"alt_text":"Police psychology, Insulin Resistance?","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/policepsychologyblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/insulin-1-300x223.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":3012,"url":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/?p=3012","url_meta":{"origin":630,"position":4},"title":"Police Psychology | Get Thee to a Conference","author":"Gary Aumiller","date":"June 17, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Police Psychology | Get Thee to a Conference by Gary S. Aumiller, Ph.D.\u00a0 ABPP \u00a0 My first experience with a professional conference came when I was 35 years old.\u00a0 My partner and I had started a newsletter for mental health of police officers in the late 80\u2019s.\u00a0 In an attempt\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Motives and Opportunity"","block_context":{"text":"Motives and Opportunity","link":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/?cat=17168884"},"img":{"alt_text":"Conference","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/policepsychologyblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/Conference-300x200.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":5092,"url":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/?p=5092","url_meta":{"origin":630,"position":5},"title":"Police Psychology | The Obsessed Mind-Body Connection","author":"Gary Aumiller","date":"January 10, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Police Psychology | The Obsessed Mind-Body Connection by Gary S. Aumiller, Ph.D. ABPP","rel":"","context":"In "Mastering Thoughts"","block_context":{"text":"Mastering Thoughts","link":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/?cat=17168878"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p60sbO-aa","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/630","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=630"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/630\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":686,"href":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/630\/revisions\/686"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=630"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=630"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/policepsychologyblog.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=630"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}Police Stress | The Hardest Word to Say<\/h2>\n
<\/a>Police Psychology| Why We Can\u2019t Say \u201cNO\u201d<\/h2>\n
3 Steps to Saying \u201cNO\u201d<\/h2>\n
\n