Police Psychology: No More Drama
by Gary S. Aumiller, Ph.D. ABPP
I had pneumonia! I just got over it I guess, although I hack as I write. One off my staff caught it on a cruise to Russia, and I woke up with it on Saturday last week, in case you were wondering why there was no communication from me for two weeks. It kicks your butt. Makes you think it might be your last cold ever — that you’re gonna die! And that always puts a new perspective on life.
I remember writing about the “moment of truth” in my book Keeping It Simple. (I’ll send you a free copy on .pdf if your write me.) I wrote about an imaginary time when you are told you have one month to live. What do you choose to do with your life? Dream of all the possessions you never got, or mourn that your life was over, or spend the last few breaths with loved ones and people who have been close to you. Would you look to complicate your life or simplify your life?
Of course, everyone is supposed to say simplify. That’s what books do is trap you in the premise of the book. And it was written in the early 90’s when I was a pup in my late 30’s, so it made sense to write it that way. But what I didn’t know back then, and it takes a while to realize, is that some people just look to “create drama” in their life, re3gardless of the situation. And as much as you tell people to simplify, drama is always created by these people.
I have written about them. I called them “Brain Eaters” and I took the side of how to not let a Brain Eater rent space in your brain. But I have never addressed the person that always finds a lot of drama in their life. And there is no better place for drama then the holidays, when you are forced with people who often think they have a say in your life because of the family you were born into.
So, let’s get down to it. If you wake up and say there is a ton of drama in your life over a long period, what do you take a look at? I am constantly telling people the first step to simplifying is to get a few empty garbage bags and start tossing things out. Well, unfortunately it is the same with too much drama. Reduce the complexity by lowering the amount and type of people you are associated with. If there is someone that constantly creates drama that can be purged from your life, purge them. If they can’t be purged, limit the amount of effect they have on you, or essentially make them less important. That is step one to reduce drama, but sometimes that means backing off from long-time friends or even relationships that are constant drama producers. You’ll end up better, believe me.
The next step in reducing drama is to reduce the amount of extra organizations that you are playing an active role in. Just like if your kid was overly stressed you would cut them back a soccer league or two, or a dance troupe, sometimes you have to make a decision to stop being president of the motorcycle club or the South Eastern Georgia Patrolman’s Fund or the professional organization that is creating too much drama in your life. Often you love the organization but some of the people are just too needy or demanding. If you find yourself stressed to the max from the drama of a volunteer job, or thinking about it constantly, sometimes you have to leave it. In my experience, what often starts as a pleasant job has a shelf life and if you are beyond the shelf life, it just might be over.
Finally, turn your focus on your loved ones. Tell them you will help solve their problems, but they must take the drama out of it. You will only have to remind them every 90 seconds, but after ten or twelve times it will go to 2 minutes then three and eventually you won’t have to remind them as much. Focus your attention on helping them. Most readers of mine tend to be caretakers. They take care of other people and enjoy it when there is no drama. Let people know you will help, but you want a drama-free zone. You see simplifying the drama in your life is really simple, but people mistake simple for easy. Simplifying means giving up and that is simple, but not always easy.
Thin Blue Mind / Smokey Heroes
December 13, 2017, at 6 am in the morning going into New York City for a OASAS seminar. OASAS is the certifying group that allows you to do evaluations on people who got a DWI and recommend the type of treatment they need. I sat down and noticed in the car I was riding on in the train every person, regardless of age, was looking at the phone. I stood up to looked around and over the seats and every last person was looking at Facebook or YouTube or texting or for whatever reason was phone involved. I had my phone packed away in my briefcase and wasn’t going to open it because I never really commuted into the city, so I wanted the experience of watching people on the phone. Then I looked out the window and an absolutely gorgeous sunrise was starting. It was one of those crisp cold clear winter days and the sunrise was there for all to see. Dark shades of red and orange and it looked so absolutely beautiful contrasting some of the dark buildings of Queens New York. It was a sunrise that perhaps you only get 15 of these gems in your whole life and it was there outside the window for all to admire. At least if they’d lift their heads from the phone, which I was the only person on a crowded train that did. I thanked God for giving me a stunning sunrise to watch all by myself, a show just for me apparently. I hoped someone else saw it too, but in my car. (more…)
millions of years those members of any population that slept the least (or not at all) would have been more likely to survive to an age old enough to reproduce and pass their genes to the next generation . . . So there must be a very good reason for the fact that all animals, including humans, have to sleep on a regular basis. The reason has been a mystery until the last few years.