Posts Tagged ‘police psychology’

Police Psychology | What You Can Learn from a 2-Year Old

Posted: August 26, 2015 in Mastering Effort
Tags: manipulation, police psychology, police stress

Police Psychology | What You Can Learn from a 2-Year Old

In police psychology, I have noticed that it is very difficult for people to say “no.”

In police psychology, I find a lot of officers who just can’t do it. There are very few things that toddlers know how to do better than adults. For instance, although sometimes when I’m driving I encounter cars that may as well have had the two-year-old behind the wheel, adults are fairly more competent than their young children when it comes to driving. I’d also rather have an adult monitor my bank account and finances than a child, and rather an adult ran the country than my nine-year-old daughter. You get the point. However, there is one thing that most children do better than their parents: saying “NO.” All you have to do is walk around the park and you’ll encounter countless voices erupting in that favorite word all parents long to hear: “NO.” When you tell your child its bath time, or they need to eat all their vegetables, or they need to get off the IPAD during mealtimes. How about when they can’t wear that outfit in public, or they need to be back by curfew, most children respond the same: “NO.” Damn I wish I could learn that more myself.

It’s funny how we seem to be expert “NO” sayers when we are young, but then we hit a point in our lives when saying that infamous word becomes ten times more difficult. In police psychology, I have many officers who are stressed out, overworked, working double shifts and still can’t manage to refuse to help. It’s funny how such a small word is so hard to master. It’s funny how saying “NO” can be associated with such a negative stigma of being uncooperative and intentionally difficult. It’s funny how Rodgers and Hammerstein so perfectly summed up our sentiments in Oklahoma: “I’m just a girl who can’t say NO.” And although many guys would like to meet such a girl, it’s really not funny. It’s not funny at all. When did we lose the ability to respectfully decline things we simply don’t have the time for? When did we start putting the need to please other people before our own sanity? Why must we overextend ourselves to the point where we are committed to way too many tasks at once—stretched thin, balancing a precarious juggling act? Why is that people in the helping professions and the policing professions, lose track of the word worst than anyone.

Police Stress | The Hardest Word to Say

I have noticed in police psychology that avoiding the word “no” can contribute to a lot of police stress.

Want to hear a police psychology situation? I had a police officer in therapy with me who was hit in his car by a drunk driver. He was having severe cognitive problem and PTSD, and will probably be disabled the rest of his life. His wife’s cousin calls and is with another police officer just having been lifted for minor-level drunk driving. He hasn’t talked to the wife’s cousin in years, in fact never liked him. He was being asked to vouch for him. He asked the cop to cut his wife’s cousin a break, despite it being the same situation that is causing him so much trouble. His wife wasn’t happy; he wasn’t happy. They found a new way to add to police stress. I was now dealing with a guy that had enough going on, but we added one more thing. And because of the PTSD, the officer can’t get it out of his head how he cut a guy he can’t stand a break, so he obsesses. More problems for me. (Notice, it always comes back to me. Hey, I should write about that.)

The truth is, many of us just feel guilty saying this two-letter word, especially to our friends, family, or people we care about or even should care about. So, instead, we agree and agree and agree until we are left feeling angry and resentful towards the people who put us in the situation. This becomes a problem because the people who ask you for favors oftentimes have no idea they are putting you in a difficult position. They don’t think it is a big thing. (This is not to say that there aren’t people out there who will try to deliberately take advantage of you.) We need to relearn a lesson that we never should have forgotten. We need to teach ourselves to be okay with saying “NO” to people. We need to learn how to prioritize ourselves again—we need to learn how to be a little selfish. And police psychology has a bigger problem than most because we are the caretakers in the world.

Police Psychology| Why We Can’t Say “NO”

But that still begs the question: why? Why do we have such a hard time saying NO? I think one of the reasons is because people tend to be sociable and generous. It is an adaptive trait: the more communicable you are, the more people will want to interact with you. It is safe. It is easy. It also feels good when you do something for someone else. It can make them appreciative or complimentary of your talents and skills, and it can put them in your debt (in a sense). Saying “NO” seems too hostile and aggressive to many people—“How can I say no to Jim? He’s only asking me to give up one weekend for him.” We tend to overestimate the effect of this word. We tend to associate “NO” with antagonism and unfriendliness, and these aren’t favorable traits in society. Because of this, it almost becomes easier (at least mentally) to say “yes” because that is the safer response. However, that is a totally psychological misconception. If you say “no” to someone, chances are they will understand (and if they don’t, they’re definitely not worth your time). And they may tend to think through something before they ask again. We need to stop overestimating the power of this word and start accepting it for what it is–an admittance that we need to take care of ourselves.

There are many types of manipulations used to try to get you to agree to do things you don’t want to do. Sometimes they just come natural to people, sometimes they are intended for manipulation. Let me give you a couple that are easy to remember. One is called “foot in the door” technique. This is when they start out by getting you to agree to something small, and once you agree to that, they ask you for a larger request. For instance, if someone asks you to sign a petition and you agree to that, they may follow that up by asking you to donate some money. This works because you are already thinking in your mind, “Wow, I’m such a great person,” or “Well, I must believe in this cause…” and so you are more inclined to comply with the larger request after this. Another technique is called “door in the face.” This is when someone asks you to do something big and you say no, so then they ask for a much smaller, reasonable request. In this case, many people are more inclined to say yes to the smaller request (which is often what they wanted you to agree to in the first place) because of something called the reciprocity norm: you did something nice for me (by reducing the request), so I’ll do something nice for you (by fulfilling the request). Be wary of these tricks. Learn a thing or two from your children.

3 Steps to Saying “NO”

There are polite ways of saying no (meaning, there are ways of saying “no” without using this actual word): “Not today, sorry,” or “I can’t do that today” or “That doesn’t work for me now, I’m sorry.” It all depends on how you word your decline. Careful of these. Don’t offer an excuse as it creates an opportunity for them to re-word their request and ask you something else. When you turn someone down, say you can’t do it, and skip out on all the sugarcoating explanations.
If it is just a time thing, offer an alternative time. Sometimes that will be enough to make them look elsewhere. “I can’t help you build a website until next month if that works for you.” Or I won’t have the time to help redo your bathroom until after the holidays. Keep a person limited and focus on your time as the important factor. You can’t make more time, so don’t let it disappear.
If all else fails, point out the manipulation. Remember this old school psychological advice, the best way to weaken a defense is to point it out. “Wow you’re trying real hard to get me to agree to fix your bathroom. It seems a little manipulative.” “Oh I see, if I agree to a small thing and you want more.” Now these may piss someone off a little, but chances are you are not going through life without pissing someone off. People get over stuff, in fact sometimes they even gain respect for you because of it.

Gary S. Aumiller, Ph.D.

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Police Psychology | Mental Shortcuts

Posted: August 19, 2015 in Motives and Opportunity
Tags: heuristics, police psychology, police stress

Police Psychology | Mental Shortcuts

Lately police officers are are being accused of using a lot of shortcuts in their psychology and mental processes. Profiling, prejudice and discrimination are buzz words for mental shortcuts and they have been used with police personnel all too much. This is a major concern in police psychology and police stress. We all look for shortcuts, whether it is a shortcut to get to the closest coffee shop before we crash from being overworked (despite already consuming 5 cups today), or a shortcut to help us finish our paperwork faster before the boss come crashing in your door expecting you should work even more than there are hours in a week (okay I am feeling a little overworked lately, what gave it away). Shortcuts, when used correctly, can be extremely useful as they maximize the amount of output you get for your invested time and effort. This is the primary reason shortcuts are so highly revered—we are always looking for tips and tricks, the “cut to the chase” part, the “in conclusion” or “lesson”. We live in such a fast-paced world that we need these shortcuts to help us cope. (That’s one of the reasons I include 3 simple steps at the end of all my blog posts. You’re welcome.)

The Tale of the Dog Poop

In police psychology we encourage people to use heuristics in order to save their cognitive energy.

In psychology, we have a word for mental shortcuts. It’s called heuristics, which are rules of thumb, or tricks we use to speed up problem solving. When you use a heuristic, you are speeding up the cognitive process by immediately jumping to the most likely conclusions and solutions. Often, when you implement heuristics, you focus on one aspect of a problem or situation and ignore everything else. For example, if you see dog poop on the sidewalk, without even thinking about it, you would walk around it. You wouldn’t bother to evaluate the situation and examine the poop to see if it really is poop. You wouldn’t stop to consider if walking over it or around it is the faster route to your destination. You wouldn’t stop and wait and see what other people are doing. Instead, without breaking stride, you would avoid the dog poop and not give it another thought. That’s what heuristics allow us to do: make decisions quickly and effortlessly. Using a heuristic to help you problem solve is like using the escalator for a four-floor incline instead of the stairs. Both things will get you to the top, but one will get you there a little faster and with much less effort on your part.

Heuristics, Errors and Police Psychology

Here’s an example: Jamal is 6’11’’ 20-something African American that looks very athletic. What is his career? Professional Basketball player or a lawyer? You probably answered the former because it is easier to picture a tall, athletic, African American basketball player than it is to picture the same individual as a lawyer. In reality, there are about 1.3 million lawyers in the US and about 500 NBA basketball players. This is because you typically watch basketball games on TV where you see some people like this, but it is rarer to watch lawyers sit around and debate on TV, so examples of tall, athletic, African American lawyers won’t pop into your mind as easily. Do we call that height profiling?

Another example of availability heuristics shows up in a different fashion. Studies show that after Shark Week, there are less people who go to the beach. This is because after watching program after program showing various shark attacks, it is relatively easy for you to associate the ocean with sharks and thus scare you away. As soon as some time passes and images of shark attacks become less available to your mind, you will stop associating the two things with each other. You are just as likely to be ‘shark sushi” after a few weeks as before, but it doesn’t feel that way so you use a heuristic.

The representative heuristic, which is when we make decisions based on how close an example matches to our ideal or expected vision, rather than based on facts or probability. For example, I am a balding greying fifty-nine year old man with absolutely beautiful 8-year old daughter who was adopted from Russia. People assume it is my granddaughter and some even say it, “Your granddaughter is beautiful.” When I respond, “that’s my daughter you idiot, so shove your heuristic up your butt,” they get a little embarrassed and sometimes even a little offended, but I GET ENTERTAINED. (okay, I only think it, I do not say it.) Mis-identification is one of the major problems with heuristics.

We also tend to use the confirmatory bias, or the base-rate fallacy when we use heuristics. If I were to give a jar full of 1000 jelly bean to a group of kids and say you could keep them if you guess how many. I would start off with saying 300, all guesses would be in that range despite there being 1000 jelly beans in the jar. As each child guesses closer to 300, it becomes hard to go outside that number. This would involve seeking out information that specifically supports an opinion or certain information you have, while ignoring examples or incidents that would suggest otherwise. More telling is the base rate fallacy in diagnosis. If you have a patient with some very specific symptoms that match an incredibly rare disease, it is still a much more realistic assumption for you to make that he has a more common disease, even if the symptoms don’t match that generic disease perfectly. That is when a heuristic become dangerous.

This is the main problem with using heuristics: it leads us to make many errors in judgment. At the same time, we need to rely on heuristics or else we would expend too much cognitive energy and resources on small problems, like how to avoid dog poop in the middle of the sidewalk. Heuristics help speed along the mental process, increase our efficiency, get our butts moving, and direct us where to focus—but they must be tempered, controlled and evaluated before we give them too much credence. Heuristics lead to prejudice, stereotyping, profiling and media reports of judgement errors that make us look like idiots. Heuristics are often automatic and subconscious, and we need to bring them into the consciousness to control them. And in the age of cell phones, body cameras, and people willing to criticize your every move or lack of filtering, there is less tolerance for our brain farts caused by an old heuristic.

3 Steps to Bring Your Heuristics into Consciousness

Educate Yourself. I know his sound a little too obvious to be in one of my steps, but heuristics is an important concept and you need to know the breadth of heuristics. There are social heuristics like imitating success, conformity and tit-for-tat, and personal heuristics like availability, representativeness and past going forward. You’ve got to understand how these heuristics affect your life in order to make a change. So the first step is to spend an hour reading on heuristics. Even Wikipedia has good articles at https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heuristic and https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_heuristics. Knowledge will give you the major tool you need to go to the next step.
Recognize. You have to get yourself in the mode of seeing when you are using a mental shortcut in a situation. Prejudices, stereotypes and biases are sometimes good, but often lead you down a wrong path. Remember, the way people change is to first analyze what they are doing, then change while in the process. You must see yourself for what you are doing first, then you can move forward.
Apply Filters. The last step is to apply filters to what you are doing. Think before your speak or act. Try to see the situation from a different angle. “Why is the person saying this?” “Will I get any advantage from adding my two cents at this point?” These kinds of things will slow you down, but may help you by not making a huge mistake. When solving a problem ask yourself, “how would _____ fix this?” the blank of course being someone you respect to handle the problem. The goal is not to end shortcuts, but to cause yourself to not waste words and energy in areas that could do you detriment.

Gary S. Aumiller, Ph.D. ABPP

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Police Psychology | You Change Your Underwear, Don’t You

Posted: August 12, 2015 in Mastering Change
Tags: change, police psychology, police stress

Police Psychology | You Change Your Underwear, Don’t You

Just like life, police psychology is all about change.

Police psychology is about change (and police stress is often about dealing with change). It could be changing an officer’s life, changing the behavior of a perpetrator, or choosing the officer who will go into an academy and have to deal with a lot of change. Life is full of change. Whether it is the metamorphosis of a caterpillar into a butterfly, the gradual change in weather and seasons, or the growth and development of your children—everything experiences change. Change is not necessarily a bad thing. Some habits you have would probably be better off if you changed them, some not. I’m sure you’ve heard your mom say, “stop biting your nails” too many times to count. While biting your nails may be a harmless habit that may not necessarily be deserving of change, reverting to anger every time something bad happens is definitely something that should be changed. So is procrastination, laziness, and eating unhealthy—all habits that may seem easier and more fun to engage in, but are negatively effecting your performance, productivity, and overall well being.

The Process of Change

In police psychology, we need to understand when it is time for change.

So how does change occur in a person? What causes people to change? I always describe a three-step process to my clients, each step building successively off the one before it. In the first stage, we think about things we’ve done in the past. There is a famous saying that “hindsight is 20/20.” In psychology, we call this the hindsight bias. Both of these are just fancy ways of saying that we can look back on things we’ve done in the past and examine why it did or didn’t work for us, or what we should do differently in the future. For example, if you speak without thinking, chances are you’ve gotten into trouble at some point saying something you later regretted. “Did you gain some weight?” “You don’t look so good in that,” not the best to phrases to say to a spouse when you are about to go out. In this step of the process, you reminisce on the things you did or said wrong in the past and plan what you can do or say differently next time.

After step one becomes second nature, the trick is to take it a step further. The next step in the process is to stop yourself in the middle of doing something that you now know you will regret. It may be that you stop yourself at a point that the damage is still done, but the purpose is you need to get yourself in the habit of stopping yourself in the middle of the activity that you are trying to change. To illustrate, in step one, you may look back on half your day and realize you wasted the entire thing procrastinating all the work you needed to get done. In this stage (step 2) of the process, you stop yourself in the middle of your procrastination and begin to tackle even the smallest of things you need to get done. Voila, you have started to change the behavior.

The Final Stage

Once you master this step, you move onto the final stage in the process of change: stopping yourself before you do the activity in the first place. Instead of saying “Do you really want to wear that?” you can say nothing at all, or say something like, “I really like when you wear your red dress. I’d love if you wore that tonight!” This is the stage when you prevent yourself from getting irrationally angry at something that goes wrong, and yelling at everyone in sight. Or when you prevent yourself from having obsessive thoughts about something in particular. This stage is where you have successfully changed the bad behavior. Don’t give yourself a victory ribbon until you make this stage as much a habit as you made the first two. Bear in mind that the most important point of these steps is that they are a progression, a succession, and they build upon each other. Past-Middle-Future, sort of makes sense, huh?. All change must be gradual—you can’t go from zero to one hundred in one day. Instead, master each small step until you have succeeded in changing your behavior completely.

Three Steps to Help you Change

Follow me on this one. It is not complicated, but it can be very powerful.

So step one is the first week or two, I tell them to identify anger (procrastination, obsessive thoughts) when they occur. Be aware of the trouble it has gotten them into and the ways they need to overcome it. Dig deep, and bring out the things that are happening in their life. Frequently I have to make them do this in the therapy session. Although it may be difficult at first, from my experience in police psychology and dealing with police stress, I know how important this first step can be.
Involves programming the brain. I tell my clients to say the words “anger-stop-think” or “procrastination-stop-think” or “obsession-stop-think” (insert whatever factor they are trying to change or get rid of, the word “stop” – then what they want to do instead). They should say these three words 500 times a day. They should do this every single day for two weeks straight. (The reason I tell them to do it for two weeks is because I doubt many of my clients will do it for that long, but I really want them to engage in this behavior for a solid week straight. So, if I tell them two weeks, chances are they will make it to the end of the first week, at least, before they stop.) I encourage all my clients to get a golf counter to keep track of all the times they’ve said the three words (I give it to them). My male clients really relate to it. Invariably, the first thing I hear when I tell my clients to do this is: “That’s impossible. I can’t do that. How can you expect me to say that 500 times?” But it’s really not as hard as you may think. On the drive back from the therapy session, they can say it 200 times. While you exercise that evening you can say it. Say it in the bathroom, while you shower, while you clean up the house or cook dinner. You’ll see that it’s really a lot easier to do this than you may think. Hey, as a good Catholic boy growing up, how many Hail Marys and Our Fathers did I say ritualistically? It got programmed in my head. The purpose of this whole exercise is it slowly changes your mindset. Saying something 500 times a day for 7 days a week, for a total of 3,500 times, is bound to get the message to sink in and help change the way they think and act. Eventually, if they continue this practice, whenever you get angry, or whenever you begin to procrastinate, these words will pop into your head and you will stop and think about the behavior that you are about to do. Essentially, these three words help reprogram your brain, so that you are able to stop and think before you say or do something you will later regret.
The third step I talk with them about a variety of cognitive techniques. I may talk about emotional opposites, I may talk about relativity, I may talk about entropy being natural, I may talk about self-esteem of other people, obsession is a big topic or even randomness in life. The time management matrix where you understand the difference between importance and urgency is also very relevant here. This is a technique that can spin in many different directions, but it is a good starting technique, and very useful in police psychology and dealing with police stress. You can even use it as a self-help technique. Now I need to go buy stock in golf counters.

Gary S. Aumiller, Ph.D. ABPP

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Police Psychology | Locked Away in Your Cell

Posted: August 5, 2015 in Mastering Emotions, Police Stress
Tags: police psychology, police stress

Police Psychology | Locked Away in Your Cell

The introduction of the cell phone has created many new issues for those in police psychology.

Police psychology has had a new enemy these days, and it’s not typical ol’ police stress. The Cell Phone. You ever hold your cell phone up at a concert to demand an encore? That means you are cool! Scan a document into you cell phone. That’s really cool! Bluetooth music from cell phone to your car radio. You’re cool. How about take a picture using your cell phone? Too ordinary, not so cool. Play a video game using your cell phone? You’re just normal. Who doesn’t do that? Research has shown that the average age for a child to get a cell phone is six years old. Yes, 53% got it by six year old. That’s crazy! When I was in high school, I didn’t have a cell phone. Of course, they didn’t even exist. Yet, today you’d be hard-pressed to find a middle-school student today who is not obsessed with his or her phone. It’s the Swiss army knife of the 21^st century. Yech!

Prisoner to Your Cell

Cell phones have changed policing and many other jobs in society. For instance, with the aid of a cell phone, you can always be contacted. Your boss and your work are never more than a phone call or text message away. There is no such thing as getting away from it. Many people even use their cell phone to keep up-to-date with work information even when they are taking a personal day, or when they are on vacation. In police work specifically, cell phones have also changed the job in other ways. Traffic accidents are now reported or even recorded live through cell phone use. Apps such as Waze allow people to report where police officers are located so people can slow up and avoid tickets. Perhaps most chillingly is the idea that your family can constantly contact you, even when you are in the middle of a high-stress situation. I have had two cops report to me that their spouses called them in the middle of a shoot out. Even in American Sniper, the main character was talking to his wife in the middle of a battle. That does happen in real life. That’s one way to keep your head out of a game that is literally life or death, and it’s an issue that crops up pretty frequently in police psychology, as it is one of the leading causes of police stress. Cell phones also increase a sense of urgency in people. This messes up the time management matrix that is so important for keeping your life organized and prioritized properly. When everything, however small and inconvenient, suddenly becomes much more urgent, you are forced to push the real substance of life into the backseat.

As someone involved in police psychology, I’ve noticed people are so wrapped up in their cell phones, that they don’t pay enough attention to the important things anymore.

Another area that cell phones have changed our lives is during meals. You can be at a family meal in which everyone is silently staring at their personal devices, or on a date where the person pays more attention to their phone screen than they do to you. Talk about the grass being greener, people are on the phone on a date! Cell phones have severely impacted the extent to which we can communicate in person with each other. If you have not experienced a meal like this, go to a restaurant and take a good look around. Guaranteed many of the patrons there will be on their phones, or will have their phones right there next to their plates in case a text message or notification comes up that requires their immediate attention. I mean, it really is too much to ask your best friend to pick out an outfit all on her own. It’s obviously time-sensitive information for you to know the latest celebrity gossip the second it is posted online.

The Cell Phone Addiction

“Addicted”—it’s a strange word. It means you are so dependent upon something that to give it up would cause unpleasant effects on your mental or physical well being. It is sad to think that today we are so dependent upon technology, and specifically our phones, that many of us experience a moment of panic if we can’t find our cellular devices. In fact, many people today are choosing to forgo a house phone in favor of just using their cell phones. Unfortunately, this change isn’t all good. Just like people ignored the cigarette research 50 years ago, we are ignoring that talking on a cell phone, even hands free causes many car accidents, especially in the young. Twenty-seven percent of accidents are directly related to the cell phone, at least as of three years ago. The current statistics are sure to be higher. I watch as many of my clients and friends struggle to communicate in person. Talking to people face-to-face makes them uncomfortable. I know, as someone involved in police psychology, I talk to people for a living, but everyone (no matter how uncomfortable it makes you) still needs to develop and nurture basic communication skills in order to survive in this world. In addition, I see many of them struggle with separation. Having a cell phone makes people feel connected, and giving that up, even for a split second, is so horrifying to many people that it drains them emotionally and mentally. Kids throw tantrums when their cell phone or tablets are taken away. When you find undue emotional reaction to being without a cell phone, you are definitely in trouble and should consider weaning yourself off a little. Just like any addiction, you cannot be expected to quit cold turkey. You need to leave your cell phone alone in steps—baby steps. Start off small and build up slowly from there. Here are some tips to help wean you off of technology. If a slow process doesn’t work, there are even cell phone addiction rehabilitation program like the one at reStart in Washington State.

3 Steps to Change Your Cell Phone Habits

Stay in the Moment. It is alright to use your cell phone to check messages or see what is going on when waiting in line at a post office or at the grocery store, but when you are face-to-face with another person, shut it down. Make sure you connect more with people, not a cell phone. On your deathbed you are not going to want to be comforted by a piece of technology. Let people know you are into what they are saying to you and who they are. It will make a big difference in your life.
Start the Weaning. If you are texting ten hours a day, go to nine. Five hours a day go to four. Find a way to cut back a little and you will gain control over your cell phone use. Weaning off of a device which has become so vital in our society is difficult, but you can do it. Start the process.
Turn it off at times. This is a hard one, but when you are on vacation, or home really sick for a day, or you are on a date, turn the damn thing off! Whatever is there will be there most likely in an hour or two. Practice times where the off switch just turns it off. Cell phones are high maintenance and high stress. Turn it off and deal with whatever is going on whether it is a trip to the lake or a clogged throat. If you need to cut out some stress at a time in your life, shut the phone off.

Gary S. Aumiller, Ph.D. ABPP

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Police Psychology | To Pee or Not to Pee

Posted: July 30, 2015 in Police Stress
Tags: bladder control, police psychology, police stress

Police Psychology | To Pee or Not to Pee

Uncontrollable bladder is an issue that effects many people, and thus must be understood for successful police psychology.

Police psychology is sometimes dripping with excitement. Cops have a tendency to know where every bathroom is in their sector because when they have to go, they need to go. But it may be more than that. Today, I’m going to write to you about bladder control. Now, before you tell me to piss off, give me a chance to explain. Urine for a great article, trust me. Okay, okay, enough with the bladder puns. Sometimes I just can’t control myself and they slip out.

The Saturday Night Tinkle

One of the first things you want to show any guest to your house or office is the location of the bathroom. In fact, I once read an article by an anthropologist named Dr. Horace Miner entitled, “Body Ritual Among the Nacirema.” This article describes a group of people who have interesting values and rituals. He explores a special ritualistic shrine that is found in every one of these people’s houses, and adds, “While each family has at least one such shrine, the rituals associated with it are not family ceremonies but are private and secret. The rites are normally only discussed with children, and then only during the period when they are being initiated into these mysteries.” The article continues on in this manner, but to the astute reader, the article becomes one very amusing mockery. Dr. Miner was not describing an ancient civilization, but the American people, and indeed Nacirema is “American” spelled backwards. The ritual shrines he goes to such lengths to discuss are our common bathrooms. It is a favorite in anthropology first classes. And though it may seem funny or amusing to describe what we do in the bathroom as “rituals”, if you think about it, we actually do tend to treat the bathroom with a certain reverence.

The human bladder is a very unpredictable thing. Why is it a bladder that can make it through the night can’t make it two hours on the job? Some days I have to go to the bathroom every hour. Other days I can go the whole workday without it. Everyone believes we should drink tons of water, and the amount you drink certainly contributes to the unpredictable nature of your bladder. But this is not the full story. So what is it that makes the bathroom such an integral part of our lives? Is it simply that the unpredictable nature of our bladders makes this a necessary reality? Your bladder is actually more attuned with anxiety and even depression than you know.

When the Mind-Body Connection Trickles Out

In police psychology, we often find ourselves dealing with uncontrollable bladder issues due to stress.

“Stress incontinence” is the medical term for not holding your urine because of stress. Indeed, those involved in police psychology know how cops often find themselves dealing with uncontrollable bladder issues due to police stress. But stress is not only emotional stress, but physical stress like sitting a certain way, or carrying too much weight (thus why pregnant women have more pee-pee problems during pregnancy). In fact, slight leakage is more likely to hit women than men throughout life. Bet you didn’t know that, did you?! Sex can also be a stress on the body, and low and behold, can also lead to a bathroom break. Let’s talk alcohol, caffeine and even some medications can also be a stress on your body and (you guessed it) can make you have to run to little boys’ or girls’ room. Stress is cumulative, meaning it builds on top of each other. So, you have a little physical stress and a teaspoon of emotional stress and VOILA! (I gotta go right now, I will be right back).

Anxiety can trigger your sympathetic nervous system, which stimulates “fight or flight” responses. Your heart starts pounding, your breathing rate increases, your muscles tense—all are typical physiological responses to anxiety. In general, your body can control all these heightened reactions and still maintain control over other bodily functions. But when anxiety or stress or any tension reaches a certain critical point, your body will move all its energy to areas it thinks is most important, like increasing your blood flow or heart rate. When it does this, it removes some of the control that had been used for your bladder. This can make you feel like you constantly need to use the bathroom. Such a sensation can increase when you experience moments of panic, stress, or anxiety, even if it is not so acute.

Similarly with depression the reduced state can cause physical and physiological changes in your body, ranging from insomnia, to anorexia, to loss of bladder control. When you are depressed you feel out of control, and in truth, you are. Well, that can go for more than just above your neck. You may get a little out of control below the waste. These kinds of problems only increase the helpless-hopeless feelings and the cycle of depression continues.

3 Steps to Help Boost your Bladder Control

So how can be practice better bladder control?

Start with the Basics. What are you eating? What are you drinking? Do you think your body is putting undue hardship on daily functioning such as weight, too pressure, etc. If you are drinking fourteen cups of coffee a day, you might cut back a little. Not stop, but cut back. If you drink too much diet Coke or Pepsi, maybe you body is trying to tell you something with runs to the can. Are you hitting the bottle or can and taking in a little too much alcohol? Don’t try to stick a finger in the dam Dutch boy – stop! You got to be honest with yourself and cut it out before you are sloshing around in semi-wet underwear You young folks, springing a little leak when you laugh may be foretelling problems later on. Happy hours that end up smelling like a floor in a bad nursing home, should not be ignored. Look at what you are putting yourself through first and try to cut back. Sometimes stress incontinence is just a warning sign.
Relaxation techniques. If one of the leading causes for loss of bladder control is physiological changes due to stress or anxiety, then one of the main ways you can prevent this is through the use of relaxation techniques. Let me give you my favorite technique I learned when being classically trained in singing. It is called a square breath. First take diaphragmtic breaths. Once you get that down, breath in for a count of three, hold it for a count of three, breath out for a count of three and hold that for a count of three. That’s twelve seconds, or five breaths a minute. The average is 14-16. It will slow you down if done 15 minutes a night and may make your pee-pee problems to go away. (As an aside, you can increase the count to four, five, six, etc. You don’t need to breath as much as you do. When singing this is essential. Ever wonder why some people can hold a note seemingly forever?) I use this technique in my police psychology sessions, and it’s really helped a lot of my clients deal with their police stress. Redistribute the energy so that you don’t reach that critical point where you lose all control over your bladder. If you are stressed, use self-talk to tell yourself the right phrases, that everything is not hopeless, and that you can overcome this moment of tension and find happiness and calmness Slow the pace of life. Don’t let other people stress you out—ignore what they say and let you be in control of you.
Get To Your Physician. If you have a regular physician, let him or her know. Don’t say you want it fixed right now. Tell him you want to try thing first, but let him know. It helps not to get 1000 tests that will add to your stress when you’re just starting out and if your physician is blind-sided with this, they may go a little overboard trying to help. A little drippy is normal sometimes and lifestyle changes are enough. Sometimes bladder problems are a very serious matter and shouldn’t be joked about. But, let the person that takes care of you know. If you don’t have that kind of relationship with your physician, ask around and find someone that does have that kind of relationship with his patients. There could be medications that help or even the physician may have some lifestyle changes for you to try.

Gary S. Aumiller, Ph.D. ABPP

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