Archive for the ‘Police Therapy Tactics’ Category

Police Psychology | What You Can Learn from a 2-Year Old

Posted: August 26, 2015 in Mastering Effort
Tags: manipulation, police psychology, police stress

Police Psychology | What You Can Learn from a 2-Year Old

In police psychology, I have noticed that it is very difficult for people to say “no.”

In police psychology, I find a lot of officers who just can’t do it. There are very few things that toddlers know how to do better than adults. For instance, although sometimes when I’m driving I encounter cars that may as well have had the two-year-old behind the wheel, adults are fairly more competent than their young children when it comes to driving. I’d also rather have an adult monitor my bank account and finances than a child, and rather an adult ran the country than my nine-year-old daughter. You get the point. However, there is one thing that most children do better than their parents: saying “NO.” All you have to do is walk around the park and you’ll encounter countless voices erupting in that favorite word all parents long to hear: “NO.” When you tell your child its bath time, or they need to eat all their vegetables, or they need to get off the IPAD during mealtimes. How about when they can’t wear that outfit in public, or they need to be back by curfew, most children respond the same: “NO.” Damn I wish I could learn that more myself.

It’s funny how we seem to be expert “NO” sayers when we are young, but then we hit a point in our lives when saying that infamous word becomes ten times more difficult. In police psychology, I have many officers who are stressed out, overworked, working double shifts and still can’t manage to refuse to help. It’s funny how such a small word is so hard to master. It’s funny how saying “NO” can be associated with such a negative stigma of being uncooperative and intentionally difficult. It’s funny how Rodgers and Hammerstein so perfectly summed up our sentiments in Oklahoma: “I’m just a girl who can’t say NO.” And although many guys would like to meet such a girl, it’s really not funny. It’s not funny at all. When did we lose the ability to respectfully decline things we simply don’t have the time for? When did we start putting the need to please other people before our own sanity? Why must we overextend ourselves to the point where we are committed to way too many tasks at once—stretched thin, balancing a precarious juggling act? Why is that people in the helping professions and the policing professions, lose track of the word worst than anyone.

Police Stress | The Hardest Word to Say

I have noticed in police psychology that avoiding the word “no” can contribute to a lot of police stress.

Want to hear a police psychology situation? I had a police officer in therapy with me who was hit in his car by a drunk driver. He was having severe cognitive problem and PTSD, and will probably be disabled the rest of his life. His wife’s cousin calls and is with another police officer just having been lifted for minor-level drunk driving. He hasn’t talked to the wife’s cousin in years, in fact never liked him. He was being asked to vouch for him. He asked the cop to cut his wife’s cousin a break, despite it being the same situation that is causing him so much trouble. His wife wasn’t happy; he wasn’t happy. They found a new way to add to police stress. I was now dealing with a guy that had enough going on, but we added one more thing. And because of the PTSD, the officer can’t get it out of his head how he cut a guy he can’t stand a break, so he obsesses. More problems for me. (Notice, it always comes back to me. Hey, I should write about that.)

The truth is, many of us just feel guilty saying this two-letter word, especially to our friends, family, or people we care about or even should care about. So, instead, we agree and agree and agree until we are left feeling angry and resentful towards the people who put us in the situation. This becomes a problem because the people who ask you for favors oftentimes have no idea they are putting you in a difficult position. They don’t think it is a big thing. (This is not to say that there aren’t people out there who will try to deliberately take advantage of you.) We need to relearn a lesson that we never should have forgotten. We need to teach ourselves to be okay with saying “NO” to people. We need to learn how to prioritize ourselves again—we need to learn how to be a little selfish. And police psychology has a bigger problem than most because we are the caretakers in the world.

Police Psychology| Why We Can’t Say “NO”

But that still begs the question: why? Why do we have such a hard time saying NO? I think one of the reasons is because people tend to be sociable and generous. It is an adaptive trait: the more communicable you are, the more people will want to interact with you. It is safe. It is easy. It also feels good when you do something for someone else. It can make them appreciative or complimentary of your talents and skills, and it can put them in your debt (in a sense). Saying “NO” seems too hostile and aggressive to many people—“How can I say no to Jim? He’s only asking me to give up one weekend for him.” We tend to overestimate the effect of this word. We tend to associate “NO” with antagonism and unfriendliness, and these aren’t favorable traits in society. Because of this, it almost becomes easier (at least mentally) to say “yes” because that is the safer response. However, that is a totally psychological misconception. If you say “no” to someone, chances are they will understand (and if they don’t, they’re definitely not worth your time). And they may tend to think through something before they ask again. We need to stop overestimating the power of this word and start accepting it for what it is–an admittance that we need to take care of ourselves.

There are many types of manipulations used to try to get you to agree to do things you don’t want to do. Sometimes they just come natural to people, sometimes they are intended for manipulation. Let me give you a couple that are easy to remember. One is called “foot in the door” technique. This is when they start out by getting you to agree to something small, and once you agree to that, they ask you for a larger request. For instance, if someone asks you to sign a petition and you agree to that, they may follow that up by asking you to donate some money. This works because you are already thinking in your mind, “Wow, I’m such a great person,” or “Well, I must believe in this cause…” and so you are more inclined to comply with the larger request after this. Another technique is called “door in the face.” This is when someone asks you to do something big and you say no, so then they ask for a much smaller, reasonable request. In this case, many people are more inclined to say yes to the smaller request (which is often what they wanted you to agree to in the first place) because of something called the reciprocity norm: you did something nice for me (by reducing the request), so I’ll do something nice for you (by fulfilling the request). Be wary of these tricks. Learn a thing or two from your children.

3 Steps to Saying “NO”

There are polite ways of saying no (meaning, there are ways of saying “no” without using this actual word): “Not today, sorry,” or “I can’t do that today” or “That doesn’t work for me now, I’m sorry.” It all depends on how you word your decline. Careful of these. Don’t offer an excuse as it creates an opportunity for them to re-word their request and ask you something else. When you turn someone down, say you can’t do it, and skip out on all the sugarcoating explanations.
If it is just a time thing, offer an alternative time. Sometimes that will be enough to make them look elsewhere. “I can’t help you build a website until next month if that works for you.” Or I won’t have the time to help redo your bathroom until after the holidays. Keep a person limited and focus on your time as the important factor. You can’t make more time, so don’t let it disappear.
If all else fails, point out the manipulation. Remember this old school psychological advice, the best way to weaken a defense is to point it out. “Wow you’re trying real hard to get me to agree to fix your bathroom. It seems a little manipulative.” “Oh I see, if I agree to a small thing and you want more.” Now these may piss someone off a little, but chances are you are not going through life without pissing someone off. People get over stuff, in fact sometimes they even gain respect for you because of it.

Gary S. Aumiller, Ph.D.

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Police Psychology | You Change Your Underwear, Don’t You

Posted: August 12, 2015 in Mastering Change
Tags: change, police psychology, police stress

Police Psychology | You Change Your Underwear, Don’t You

Just like life, police psychology is all about change.

Police psychology is about change (and police stress is often about dealing with change). It could be changing an officer’s life, changing the behavior of a perpetrator, or choosing the officer who will go into an academy and have to deal with a lot of change. Life is full of change. Whether it is the metamorphosis of a caterpillar into a butterfly, the gradual change in weather and seasons, or the growth and development of your children—everything experiences change. Change is not necessarily a bad thing. Some habits you have would probably be better off if you changed them, some not. I’m sure you’ve heard your mom say, “stop biting your nails” too many times to count. While biting your nails may be a harmless habit that may not necessarily be deserving of change, reverting to anger every time something bad happens is definitely something that should be changed. So is procrastination, laziness, and eating unhealthy—all habits that may seem easier and more fun to engage in, but are negatively effecting your performance, productivity, and overall well being.

The Process of Change

In police psychology, we need to understand when it is time for change.

So how does change occur in a person? What causes people to change? I always describe a three-step process to my clients, each step building successively off the one before it. In the first stage, we think about things we’ve done in the past. There is a famous saying that “hindsight is 20/20.” In psychology, we call this the hindsight bias. Both of these are just fancy ways of saying that we can look back on things we’ve done in the past and examine why it did or didn’t work for us, or what we should do differently in the future. For example, if you speak without thinking, chances are you’ve gotten into trouble at some point saying something you later regretted. “Did you gain some weight?” “You don’t look so good in that,” not the best to phrases to say to a spouse when you are about to go out. In this step of the process, you reminisce on the things you did or said wrong in the past and plan what you can do or say differently next time.

After step one becomes second nature, the trick is to take it a step further. The next step in the process is to stop yourself in the middle of doing something that you now know you will regret. It may be that you stop yourself at a point that the damage is still done, but the purpose is you need to get yourself in the habit of stopping yourself in the middle of the activity that you are trying to change. To illustrate, in step one, you may look back on half your day and realize you wasted the entire thing procrastinating all the work you needed to get done. In this stage (step 2) of the process, you stop yourself in the middle of your procrastination and begin to tackle even the smallest of things you need to get done. Voila, you have started to change the behavior.

The Final Stage

Once you master this step, you move onto the final stage in the process of change: stopping yourself before you do the activity in the first place. Instead of saying “Do you really want to wear that?” you can say nothing at all, or say something like, “I really like when you wear your red dress. I’d love if you wore that tonight!” This is the stage when you prevent yourself from getting irrationally angry at something that goes wrong, and yelling at everyone in sight. Or when you prevent yourself from having obsessive thoughts about something in particular. This stage is where you have successfully changed the bad behavior. Don’t give yourself a victory ribbon until you make this stage as much a habit as you made the first two. Bear in mind that the most important point of these steps is that they are a progression, a succession, and they build upon each other. Past-Middle-Future, sort of makes sense, huh?. All change must be gradual—you can’t go from zero to one hundred in one day. Instead, master each small step until you have succeeded in changing your behavior completely.

Three Steps to Help you Change

Follow me on this one. It is not complicated, but it can be very powerful.

So step one is the first week or two, I tell them to identify anger (procrastination, obsessive thoughts) when they occur. Be aware of the trouble it has gotten them into and the ways they need to overcome it. Dig deep, and bring out the things that are happening in their life. Frequently I have to make them do this in the therapy session. Although it may be difficult at first, from my experience in police psychology and dealing with police stress, I know how important this first step can be.
Involves programming the brain. I tell my clients to say the words “anger-stop-think” or “procrastination-stop-think” or “obsession-stop-think” (insert whatever factor they are trying to change or get rid of, the word “stop” – then what they want to do instead). They should say these three words 500 times a day. They should do this every single day for two weeks straight. (The reason I tell them to do it for two weeks is because I doubt many of my clients will do it for that long, but I really want them to engage in this behavior for a solid week straight. So, if I tell them two weeks, chances are they will make it to the end of the first week, at least, before they stop.) I encourage all my clients to get a golf counter to keep track of all the times they’ve said the three words (I give it to them). My male clients really relate to it. Invariably, the first thing I hear when I tell my clients to do this is: “That’s impossible. I can’t do that. How can you expect me to say that 500 times?” But it’s really not as hard as you may think. On the drive back from the therapy session, they can say it 200 times. While you exercise that evening you can say it. Say it in the bathroom, while you shower, while you clean up the house or cook dinner. You’ll see that it’s really a lot easier to do this than you may think. Hey, as a good Catholic boy growing up, how many Hail Marys and Our Fathers did I say ritualistically? It got programmed in my head. The purpose of this whole exercise is it slowly changes your mindset. Saying something 500 times a day for 7 days a week, for a total of 3,500 times, is bound to get the message to sink in and help change the way they think and act. Eventually, if they continue this practice, whenever you get angry, or whenever you begin to procrastinate, these words will pop into your head and you will stop and think about the behavior that you are about to do. Essentially, these three words help reprogram your brain, so that you are able to stop and think before you say or do something you will later regret.
The third step I talk with them about a variety of cognitive techniques. I may talk about emotional opposites, I may talk about relativity, I may talk about entropy being natural, I may talk about self-esteem of other people, obsession is a big topic or even randomness in life. The time management matrix where you understand the difference between importance and urgency is also very relevant here. This is a technique that can spin in many different directions, but it is a good starting technique, and very useful in police psychology and dealing with police stress. You can even use it as a self-help technique. Now I need to go buy stock in golf counters.

Gary S. Aumiller, Ph.D. ABPP

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Police Psychology | Locked Away in Your Cell

Posted: August 5, 2015 in Mastering Emotions, Police Stress
Tags: police psychology, police stress

Police Psychology | Locked Away in Your Cell

The introduction of the cell phone has created many new issues for those in police psychology.

Police psychology has had a new enemy these days, and it’s not typical ol’ police stress. The Cell Phone. You ever hold your cell phone up at a concert to demand an encore? That means you are cool! Scan a document into you cell phone. That’s really cool! Bluetooth music from cell phone to your car radio. You’re cool. How about take a picture using your cell phone? Too ordinary, not so cool. Play a video game using your cell phone? You’re just normal. Who doesn’t do that? Research has shown that the average age for a child to get a cell phone is six years old. Yes, 53% got it by six year old. That’s crazy! When I was in high school, I didn’t have a cell phone. Of course, they didn’t even exist. Yet, today you’d be hard-pressed to find a middle-school student today who is not obsessed with his or her phone. It’s the Swiss army knife of the 21^st century. Yech!

Prisoner to Your Cell

Cell phones have changed policing and many other jobs in society. For instance, with the aid of a cell phone, you can always be contacted. Your boss and your work are never more than a phone call or text message away. There is no such thing as getting away from it. Many people even use their cell phone to keep up-to-date with work information even when they are taking a personal day, or when they are on vacation. In police work specifically, cell phones have also changed the job in other ways. Traffic accidents are now reported or even recorded live through cell phone use. Apps such as Waze allow people to report where police officers are located so people can slow up and avoid tickets. Perhaps most chillingly is the idea that your family can constantly contact you, even when you are in the middle of a high-stress situation. I have had two cops report to me that their spouses called them in the middle of a shoot out. Even in American Sniper, the main character was talking to his wife in the middle of a battle. That does happen in real life. That’s one way to keep your head out of a game that is literally life or death, and it’s an issue that crops up pretty frequently in police psychology, as it is one of the leading causes of police stress. Cell phones also increase a sense of urgency in people. This messes up the time management matrix that is so important for keeping your life organized and prioritized properly. When everything, however small and inconvenient, suddenly becomes much more urgent, you are forced to push the real substance of life into the backseat.

As someone involved in police psychology, I’ve noticed people are so wrapped up in their cell phones, that they don’t pay enough attention to the important things anymore.

Another area that cell phones have changed our lives is during meals. You can be at a family meal in which everyone is silently staring at their personal devices, or on a date where the person pays more attention to their phone screen than they do to you. Talk about the grass being greener, people are on the phone on a date! Cell phones have severely impacted the extent to which we can communicate in person with each other. If you have not experienced a meal like this, go to a restaurant and take a good look around. Guaranteed many of the patrons there will be on their phones, or will have their phones right there next to their plates in case a text message or notification comes up that requires their immediate attention. I mean, it really is too much to ask your best friend to pick out an outfit all on her own. It’s obviously time-sensitive information for you to know the latest celebrity gossip the second it is posted online.

The Cell Phone Addiction

“Addicted”—it’s a strange word. It means you are so dependent upon something that to give it up would cause unpleasant effects on your mental or physical well being. It is sad to think that today we are so dependent upon technology, and specifically our phones, that many of us experience a moment of panic if we can’t find our cellular devices. In fact, many people today are choosing to forgo a house phone in favor of just using their cell phones. Unfortunately, this change isn’t all good. Just like people ignored the cigarette research 50 years ago, we are ignoring that talking on a cell phone, even hands free causes many car accidents, especially in the young. Twenty-seven percent of accidents are directly related to the cell phone, at least as of three years ago. The current statistics are sure to be higher. I watch as many of my clients and friends struggle to communicate in person. Talking to people face-to-face makes them uncomfortable. I know, as someone involved in police psychology, I talk to people for a living, but everyone (no matter how uncomfortable it makes you) still needs to develop and nurture basic communication skills in order to survive in this world. In addition, I see many of them struggle with separation. Having a cell phone makes people feel connected, and giving that up, even for a split second, is so horrifying to many people that it drains them emotionally and mentally. Kids throw tantrums when their cell phone or tablets are taken away. When you find undue emotional reaction to being without a cell phone, you are definitely in trouble and should consider weaning yourself off a little. Just like any addiction, you cannot be expected to quit cold turkey. You need to leave your cell phone alone in steps—baby steps. Start off small and build up slowly from there. Here are some tips to help wean you off of technology. If a slow process doesn’t work, there are even cell phone addiction rehabilitation program like the one at reStart in Washington State.

3 Steps to Change Your Cell Phone Habits

Stay in the Moment. It is alright to use your cell phone to check messages or see what is going on when waiting in line at a post office or at the grocery store, but when you are face-to-face with another person, shut it down. Make sure you connect more with people, not a cell phone. On your deathbed you are not going to want to be comforted by a piece of technology. Let people know you are into what they are saying to you and who they are. It will make a big difference in your life.
Start the Weaning. If you are texting ten hours a day, go to nine. Five hours a day go to four. Find a way to cut back a little and you will gain control over your cell phone use. Weaning off of a device which has become so vital in our society is difficult, but you can do it. Start the process.
Turn it off at times. This is a hard one, but when you are on vacation, or home really sick for a day, or you are on a date, turn the damn thing off! Whatever is there will be there most likely in an hour or two. Practice times where the off switch just turns it off. Cell phones are high maintenance and high stress. Turn it off and deal with whatever is going on whether it is a trip to the lake or a clogged throat. If you need to cut out some stress at a time in your life, shut the phone off.

Gary S. Aumiller, Ph.D. ABPP

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Police Psychology | Can’t Take My Mind Off of You

Posted: July 18, 2015 in Mastering Thoughts
Tags: Obsession, police psychology, police stress

Police Psychology | Can’t Take My Mind Off of You

Police psychology deals a lot with obsession.

Police psychology deals with a lot of obsession. Police stress can also be the result of obsession. I am big on obsession (can’t you tell?). I see obsession everywhere (anger, depression, love, hate, writing a blog). In fact, you could say I am obsessed with obsession. Researchers have said that we have 60,000 thoughts a day (and 90% are the same thoughts we had the day before), and obsessive people have even more than that. In fact, obsessives can have as many as 90,000 or 120,000 thoughts in one day. I don’t know how they count thoughts in a day, but those are the numbers they come up with. This can be both a gift and a curse. You do get a lot done, if the obsessiveness doesn’t drive you crazy.

Obsession is not limited to people who have been diagnosed or labeled with this behavior—we all experience obsessions. Whether you are obsessed with a certain song, a specific food, a store, a TV show, or even a person you care about, we all know the feeling of not being able to get something out of our head. I remember a phase my daughter went through a few years ago where she sang “The wheels on the bus go round and round” at the top of her lungs. Every day. Every minute of every day, a wheel on that damn bus! This was bad enough, but it got to the point that I found myself humming this tune even when I wasn’t with her, like while I was brushing my teeth, or in the middle of a session with one of my clients (oops, I’m not supposed to reveal that). We will all continue to have obsessions as we encounter different things in life. Some things just have a way of sticking with you (if you have a female child like me, you’re probably thinking of “Let it Go” from Frozen—I’m still trying to get that out of my head).

The Biology of Obsession

Psychologists in fields as varied as clinical and police psychology understand that different sections of the brain control obsessions.

Psychologists in fields as varied as clinical and police psychology understand that different sections of the brain control obsessions. The basal ganglia is one section of the brain that is thought to be responsible for obsessive thoughts. Other areas that play a role are structures known as the orbitofrontal cortex (OFC) the thalamus and the anterior cingulate gyrus. These fancy terms are just here to let you know that obsession is not just a behavior, it is biological too; it is built and organized inside our brains. It’s not so important for you to know the names of these parts, but it is important for you to know that these same brain sections are activated in people who are experiencing anxiety and often depression. They can’t get the one thought that is making them miserable out of their head. PTSD is also heavily related to obsession. So is police stress.

When someone is obsessed with something, they can be dysfunctional—sometimes they can’t focus on more important things, sometimes they can’t get the object of their obsession out of their head. They are, in a sense, debilitated, dependent on something else to function normally. It can also be frightening because you can feel like you don’t have control over your thoughts. And sometimes obsessions can be just plain annoying—I mean do you really want to be singing “The wheels on the bus” as you enter an important business meeting or while you are kissing your spouse?

The most important thing you can do for any obsessions you are experiencing is for you to regain control of your thoughts. Remember, focused obsession has been part of the formula for some of the world’s greatest accomplishments. When I write a book, I get obsessed, I spend a week with the windows covered, the doors locked, no sense of time, just pure obsession, and it works. If unfocused, you may end up staying up all night thinking about the person, song, celebrity, show, etc…which can have a tremendous detriment on your sleep and productivity throughout the day. So if taking back control over thoughts is how to avoid getting stuck in an obsession, how can we do this in practice?

3 Steps for Breaking an Obsession

Obsessions can prevent you from movement, they can bog you down in thoughts or feelings that make you feel like you don’t have control over yourself anymore. Use these tips to fight back against these thoughts and regain control over your mind.

Thought stopping. The first trick you can do to break any obsession you have is to implement different techniques that stop your mind from wandering to the object/person. One way that I find particularly easy and useful is the rubber band trick. Wrap a rubber band around your wrist and anytime you realize your thoughts are heading toward the object of obsession, you snap the elastic on your wrist. This results in two things: one, chances are that will distract you enough that you will stop thinking about whatever you were going to think about. Two, slowly you will start associating the obsessive thoughts with the stupid little pain of the rubber band slapped against your wrist. This is called classical conditioning, and it works very well. I use it all the time in police psychology, and it certainly seems to help my clients dealing with police stress. There are many other ways you can implement thought-stopping techniques. Other examples include having an alarm beep every few minutes and when the alarm beeps you have to stop and think about what you are currently thinking about (something called metacognition), and make sure your thoughts are staying away from your obsession. You may want to reward yourself if you are able to go a certain amount of time without thinking about it too (this is operant conditioning-covering all bases today).

Organizing the Obsession. Another strategy you can use in order to avoid getting stuck in your obsession is to organize the obsession. Say to yourself, “This is the order in which I will do things. First, let’s focus on step A.” Create order and structure in your day in such a way that you leave very little room for obsessive thoughts to impede. You can also organize the thoughts in your head. There is a concept in memory called the Method of Loci, or the “memory palace.” This technique explores the idea that we can visualize a room where we can “put” different thoughts we have. For example, “put” all thoughts related to work on the top shelf in the room you visualize. “Put” all thoughts related to your relationships in the bottom desk drawer in the room you visualize. This technique is very common among students who need to memorize a lot of information for exams, but it can be used to organize obsessive thoughts too. In relationships, I make people do a list of “forgets,” things you have to forget to stay married. Same principle, different application. By making lists you are also using the obsession to an advantage instead of a detriment.

Have a go-to fantasy. Whenever you feel like your mind is wandering to your object of obsession, immediately replace is with a go-to fantasy. For example, become the quarterback at for the Notre Dame football team, or the wing in the world cup, and you’re about to win the game for the whole team. Other fantasies can be that you’re lying on the beach in Hawaii, or at a wine tasting in Italy. Pick a fantasy of your own—one that has some particular meaning or significance to you—and use that as a place to “go to” whenever you want to avoid thinking about the object of your obsession.

Gary S. Aumiller, Ph.D. ABPP

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Police Psychology | The Police Psychologist and the BFD

Posted: July 15, 2015 in Mastering Emotions
Tags: mental health, police psychology, police stress

The Police Psychologist and the BFD

Everyone has those little things that tick them off and trigger a bad mood.

Those in police psychology must learn about the BFD. The cops used to use that acronym regularly. Bad F—ing Day. I am not sure what the “F” means in the acronym, but I don’t think it is too nice. (Let’s not have a bunch of you writing in to tell me). Everyone has bad days. Some bad days are considerably worse than others and you can pinpoint exactly what happened that made you feel this way. Some days may just feel strange or off, but you’re not necessarily sure why. Perhaps you had a bad dream that is just too far down in your subconscious that you cannot remember it; or maybe you slept in a strange position that made your back or neck cramp. Maybe you got into an argument before bed and even though you made up, you’re still upset about it. Or it could be as simple as you’re too hot, or too cold, or too hungry, or there’s a bad smell in your house that you can’t really identify. The possibilities are endless—unfortunately. And the BFD can cause a lot of undue police stress.

Getting Worse

In police psychology, we often find ourselves dealing with individuals who are constantly in a bad mood.

Or, if you make it through the morning wake-up feeling good, random events can turn a good day into a bad day. You’ll say the gods are conspiring against you, or you are the proverbial cat to kick because the boss is frustrated about something. Like mosquitoes after a sudden downpour on a sunny day, they can strike silently and unexpectedly. No one is safe, whether you’re a student, a businessman, a parent, or working in police psychology. We all know that feeling of dread in the pit of your stomach. But we all need to face the world at some point regardless of what it brings to us, and if we face the world with a negative attitude, with the bad mood that accompanies us throughout the day, we will have a much harder time working efficiently. This bad mood may not just affect our work performance; if we are rude and grumpy throughout the day, you can bet your co-workers, clients, friends, and even family will want very little to do with you.

The main problem with waking up in a bad mood is it tends to follow you throughout the day, like an obnoxious gnat swarming around your head, or a shadow that refuses to get lost. And, if waking up in a bad mood has an impact on the rest of our day, then the trick is to shake off those negative feelings as soon as possible. In other words, the best thing to do when you wake up in a bad mood is to change your mood. I know, I know…that’s easier said then done. When you feel like there’s a black cloud floating on top of you, it can seem very difficult, maybe even impossible, to snap your fingers and make the sun shine.

Elevator Story

I remember a story told to us in graduate school as a lead in for rational emotive therapy. It starts in an elevator that goes up 30 flights. You rush to get the elevator and are the last person in. You are crammed in, face on the opening, and can’t turn or see in any direction. The elevator is broken and it “dings” at each floor but the doors do not open. You can’t reach the buttons to get out. You are stuck. The elevator goes up to the second floor, and you hear the ding. Then you get about a two inch round, cylindrical object hit you right in middle of the back. You don’t think anything of it. Next floor get the ding, a round object clips you right in the middle of the back. You squirm to get out. Same thing happens for ten floors. You are angry. You reach for the controls but can’t get to them. You yell but the music and the crowd negates your sound. Eleventh floor same ding, same poke in the back. Twelfth floor – ding, poke. By twenty five floors you are fuming. You can’t wait to get out and rip someone’s head off. You got a black and blue mark expanding from the one inch to the entire back. You are raging. Finally the moment comes. Thirtieth floor. The door open, you have a combination of rage and happiness cause you are getting to fulfill your destiny. People start piling out of the elevator. You have your attack planned. Then you see a little old blind lady in the back of the elevator trying to search for the door being open with her cane. She almost falls forward as she reaches. She creeps forward. Are you still enraged? Her cane falls between the gap of the elevator and the floor. Are you still wanting to beat her up or has your emotion changed instantaneously?

We need to implement our own techniques and strategies to banish the bad mood, and they can happen in an instant. Bad moods can disappear as quickly and as unsuspecting as they appear with just a little cognitive work. And it’s a good thing I’m here to tell you about some of the tricks I use in police psychology. Try the techniques below to help banish your bad mood.

3 Steps for Banishing the Bad Mood

Beat Yourself Up with Positive. Bombard yourself with positive information. Read Norman Vincent Peale, or Dale Carnegie, or Gary Aumiller (ohhh, that’s me). Focus all your attention and energy on the positive information into your system. YouTube is great for that. Get yourself positive. Throw compliments around like confetti at a ticker tape parade. Reduce the negative in everyday things. Brushing your teeth isn’t so bad, eating breakfast isn’t so bad, working on this article for your boss or teacher isn’t so bad. Look at every moment as a self-contained event or activity, and focus all your effort on making yourself smile. When talking to someone, make extra eye contact with them, devote your full attention to what they are saying, and compliment them. When walking down the street, enjoy the breeze outside, the sunshine on your face. Don’t let yourself get distracted by past events.
Find Something that Brings Good Memories. Everyone has some smells that transport him or her back to a certain moment in time, like freshly baked cookies at your grandmother’s house, or a perfume that you wore on a really fun date. Use those scents to bring up good memories. Listen to a song that makes you happy, treat yourself to a snack or lunch that you know you enjoy, focus on the simple things that make you happy. If you find these simple things that bring up good memories for you to savor, there won’t be any room in your mind for the bad thoughts to intrude.
Plan Something in the Future. If you’re in a bad mood or experiencing a lot of stress (police stress or otherwise), one way to get out of that slump is to plan something exciting to do in the future. Plan a trip, a date, an adventure, or even a walk to your favorite spot, and hold onto that excitement and expectation throughout the day. If you do something spontaneous you enjoy it for the amount of time you did it, if you plan it in the future you enjoy it for the planning, the waiting, and the event. This goal-oriented attitude, can do wonders to banishing your bad mood.

Using these steps, you can begin to change the bad mood you woke up with into a good mood. A BFD into a GFD. This will help you perform better and more efficiently at work or school, help you have a much better day, and help you smile.

Gary S. Aumiller, Ph.D. ABPP

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